I'm sorry for what you are going through, but glad you are reaching out for help and support. Good for you! I think that takes a lot of courage and resolve and faith. I think it says something that rather than walk away from your marriage, you have asked your H for space, you are reflecting upon what you need to rebuild your marriage, and how you could go about that.
I have a few thoughts: 1) If you need space, you need space. You need to ask for it in a loving way and do what you need. Your H will or may feel abandoned (I did) so there really has to be a communication about this and a way to ease the blow. Although you are incredibly annoyed by him right now, please find a way to tell him that this doesn't mean your marriage is over, but in fact you want to work on it. He needs reassurance but he also needs this wake up call. 2) Be careful regarding your own anger. I know for me, my needs weren't met in my marriage early on. By the time they were (I now realize), I was no longer open to receiving them. I was too bitter, too anger, and I didn't live in the moment and appreciate what I had and love my husband back for the love he was giving me. I wondered "why now?" My husband now has done the same in many respects and isn't open to accepting my love for him and therefore loving back because he is now saying "why now?" The why now answer is pretty easy to answer -- he woke up and realizes he could lose you and he loves you and wants to make it work. But you have to then be open to receiving that love and giving it back. Be careful to ensure you are. If he wants to go to MC now, you have wanted that for a long time. You could choose to not go now because you feel it is too little, too late, or you could accept it, regardless of the timing, and work on your marriage and let the past go. Live in the here and now. 3) Read some books if you haven't already, during your time of space. Some good reads: Divorce Busting The 5 Love Languages His Needs Her Needs The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work Passionate Marriage Love and Respect 4) Use this time to truly focus on you and improving you and your outlook on life and your personal goals. Work on trying to find a way to realize what your husband's needs are, how you can best meet them, and what your needs are and how you can communicate them. Regardless of where you are at, almost always, the marriage is failing because of both parties not meeting each other's needs and you have to take a hard look at yourself and your own character and figure out how to improve as a wife to ask for what you need and get what you need and meet his needs better. Keep faithful to your marriage during this time. Adding anyone else to the picture will complicate things and dig a hole that you may never be able to get out of. I know for my own spouse, I think that was the case. It hurt him more than anyone else. He lost his self respect and feels broken.
Keep posting. Dana
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
