Your post reminded me of a funny -- but 100% true -- story that my brother-in-law told me. When he worked for the old Cellular One, he used to do corporate training, and they still had those old big, square, M*A*S*H*-looking phones that they affectionately used to call "The Brick." Those things were actually made out of the same material that they make FOOTBALL HELMETS out of, and as part of the training, which was outside, my brother-in-law would take the phone, BANG IT really hard on the table, and then TOSS IT INTO A NEARBY POND in about 6"-one foot of water. He'd then casually walk over, take the phone out, and make a call with it to somebody's phone.
Ahh, those ol' analog bricks would give ya tumors, but you couldn't beat 'em for CLARITY, kwim??
After sleeping on the couch for the past week, and not sleeping very WELL, mind you, I finally decided "WTF, this is MY house, and MY bed, and I'm earning 95% of the family's income, so I'm gonna get a good nite's sleep, kwim? And if she objected, I was going to tell her "well, there's three couches in the house."
She's never said anything. But it IS screwing with her ability to send text messages to him from our bed, which she was doing before.
She's still living in that fairy tale world of "everything will be fine but Choc won't bother me anymore". Umm...poor little princess...she thinks YOU'RE the pea...when it's actually her dirty little conscience bugging the heck out of her late at night. Don't worry, she'll see it...but you'll be having a wonderful life. These kind of people age rapidly so just keep an eye out. Even with enough botox to kill a herd of elephants they still look old. Par for the course.
Seems to me NOP said something awhile back that they usually stop wearing their wedding rings, which she started about a week ago. That they can't stand the guilt of looking down at them while they're with, or touching, the OM.
Ewww.
She does keep asking me if we've gotten the market analysis back on the house yet. I think she's anxious to divorce, and get to the "alimony" part of this, and that desire will only increase as she starts to feel the financial pinch that my newfound accountability has placed on her. Her first credit card payment alone is going to suck up her entire paycheck.
Guilt is a terrible thing...glad you don't have to carry that monkey on your back. It's funny (not) how they seek the thrill of the addiction...and they look like crack addicts with sunken eyes and washed out hair/skin after awhile because the stress of living against their true nature gets the better of them. Some don't...those are the ones who were that way all along and you just had your "love blinders" on and missed their poor qualities.
She never slows down. She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down She won't turn around The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down
[CHORUS] So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain
She won't make a sound Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down She wants to be found The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.
Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down Stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found
[CHORUS] So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain
Once the anger goes away you really do begin to feel pity for the poor wretches...it is so sad to see someone toss away a just life for a mirage. MLC is mostly about trying to find the pot at the end of the rainbow, forgetting that it's the rainbow that's the treasure.
I totally agree that you should have the M bed and she should be on the couch or elsewhere. Is she still trying to act like nothing is going on with this guy? If she wants a D and is making plans to move on with her life, why is she sneaking around with the cell phone and such? I don't understand that part. It's almost like she is getting off on it somehow. Blech. Why not just say, "Choc, I want out. Let's act civil until we hammer out the details." I know easier said than done but what is going on now seems so disrespectful. LFL
I know, LfL, and that's what I'm struggling with, too. As NOP says, "only you can decide how much disrespect you want to put up with," and what I'm waiting for is something CONCRETE with which to ask her to leave, if it comes to that.
She no longer denies the romantic attachment to OM to me. She does, however, still tell her parents that "he's just a friend." Our daughters know the truth, W knows they know the truth, and so they just never bring it up.
Her stated desire is to get our financial ducks in a row and then try to forge an amicable, uncontested divorce. If the affair is still going on, however, and I can prove it, there will hardly be anything "uncontested" about it, I will reveal to her the type of evidence that I have (but not how I got it), and I will kindly ask her to leave, NOW, and let her know that if she fights me for custody, or if she tries to stick it to me alimony-wise, she will have a battle on her hands.
