Infidelity sucks, no matter what kind of rationalization you make. So much to lose, so little to gain. My H decided to quit counseling and give up hope for us reconciling so he wouldn't feel guilty about starting a PA (It was most likely an EA and he decided he'd rather bonk her than try to make it work with me.) He feels emotionally divorce so why worry about the legal papers? Kanekai (from da islands?) : it seems like you are truly sorry for your affair. And you recogize your W is in great pain, feeling betrayed again, feeling hopeless of ever trusting you for anything again. Affairs can certainly lead to divorce. But they don't have to. Read Michele's new book, chapter on affairs. IF you are willing to answer ALL her questions, no matter how often, how repetitive and if you will be patient, patient, patient, I think you have a good chance to win her back. When the time feels right I think you should tell her that you will take out a million dollar insurance policy on yourself, and if you ever stray again, she can kill you and take the money! HA! I heard of a similar deal actually working (the H was way rich and he just escrowed a big bunch of bucks and if W caught him out, it was hers.) On a more serious vein: please do tell your W that you are ashamed, you are in despair over the anguish she has caused you, you were WRONG, that you are sick about it, that there is no excuse. plEASE DO NOT USE THE WORD 'BUT'. Tell her you will wait patiently, give her all the time she needs, do everything you can to seek her forgiveness. Then wait. That's my advice. Would work for me. Take care, gd1
