Not much happen here. Trying to clean up the yard for the party. I really let it go for the last 2 months. (Didn't know if I was still going to be living here). So I guess if my W "just wants to be room mates". It does mean there is no commitment and I can "date". I just feel that right now I hold all of the "morals" cards. I want so badly for the family to know what is going on. I have been e-mailing a female "friend" she is having problems in her marriage and is actually the one who had the "affair". We were communicating pretty much everyday. I think I was starting to have an EA with her. It was nice having a Female that would listen to me vent and she would tell me things that were bothering her. We even told each other things that probably only a husband and wife should be discussing. If she lived closer it would have been so easy for the sitch to get out of hand. In helping her with her marriage I finely convinced her to stop seeing the OM. But then I started realizing that I was becoming the OM in my mind at least. I don't think she had any real feelings for me. I have not "talked to her since my return. She knows I come here so she may be reading this. Even though it seems to have been a one way relationship she did help me get through some tuff emotional times. I am not going to e-mail her for a while but I must admit that I check my e-mail constantly hoping she will try to contact me again. I am just so screwed up. My mind is going in several directions. At one point I was even thinking about telling my wife if she wants to see the OM once in a while if this would save our marriage go ahead. What the hell was I thinking? I don't like living day by day. When this first surfaced My W did not want anything to happen until my son was out of school because of his emotional problems. Told My W that I was thinking about spreading out my vacation time and working 1/2 days so my son would not have to be in day care all day. She told me I should wait until the last two week before school starts because there is no day care then and it would save us from having to get a sitter. Ok so this means she is planning on being together when school starts again? Our 17th anniversary is next month. I wonder what is going to happen then. I can't see me sitting around while the family gives us cards and stuff for a marriage that does not exist.
Sorry I know this post probably does not make sense. I'm just sort of venting
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
