NOW I get why H would always say toward the end that he could not be himself with me, that the "going out " part was the "real him". (Drove me NUTS when he would say that!! )
A person needs to be the perfectly human person that they are and still feel safe and accepted.
Or... They need to grow beyond the 'primal' needs. They need to learn that there is much more to them than just 'I need...'
Yes, they SHOULD be able to be safe and accepted for who they are. They should also be able to modify their primal needs to adapt (not suppress, but adapt) their needs to fit their relationships.
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SO, this is an issue I had always had with myself: trying to be strong and perfect and together... afraid to show my "weak" soft side. THese 2 years have shown me that I can be perfectly imperfect and enjoy and accept that. From there I can gently create shifts in my life that I want. (without beating myself or any one else up in the process!)
And, in a healthy relationship, you can SAY these things to your partner without fear of rejection. IF your partner is at the same spiritual and emotional place you are at.
Very often we find that we, as the LBS, move beyond the WAS's ability to grow.
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