Why do these things happen IV

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Well S is now asleep, this weekend is now hitting me. In thinking of the whole weekend, I believe for the most part it was a bust. I hope I am wrong, but that is how I feel at the moment. I hate hearing my S ask questions or make statements that I have no control over. It is just making my stomach knot up everytime.

Need to start talking to myself again about why I am in this fight, I know for my personal reasons, but are they enough. Is it worth seeing my son so torn up? Is it worth it for my own mental health?
Is it worth it for the financial strain of me trying to help her out monetarily while she is "thinking"? Is it worth it for everyone in our families or friends walking on eggshells around me/her/us?

I for one, use to probably cry 2-3 times a year and I cannot even remember why. Now it is almost a daily ritual, whether it is early morning and just sad, or during the day or evening after thinking that I have done something else wrong in her eyes or even my own eyes at times, or nothing is really progressing, or just after hugging my son for a half hour before he goes to bed and looking at his face and trying to answer his questions and at the same time trying to change subjects or make him laugh.

I hate what I have done to my family over the last decade, I cannot change what I have done, I cannot change my past prior to that either. I know it is hard for W too, but damn, say something. Hell I would even take a F.U., your an a**hole, just something.

Ok ranting again, just having a down evening.