Still Tryin's new thread

[S.T. _I Made It!]

oh, and just to get this all out. I'm okay now though.

But yesterday was really hard. you know I had mentioned to my H about hearing me sing, and he didn't sound that thrilled. Well, I thought maybe he would come still. But. nope. saw the kids walk through the doorway by themselves as usual and I got overwhelmed. I had to stop myself from crying and just started praying. I actually thanked God for humbling me. This really gives me opportunity to constructively talk to H about something I have a problem with. Well, I did collect myself, and luckily I didn't ever really cry.

After church I checked the txts and noticed he had text me that the kids were there and that I would do a good job singing. So that was nice. I wish I had read it BEFORE church though.

BUT, then at home we started play fighting around and as he was holding me in front of him (so he couldn't see my face) I said "you made me sad today" in a kid like voice. he said why, and I said because I was hoping you would come. He said sorry. I know I didn't do that at all right. I'm so bad at it. I need some little fairy to hit me with a broom whenever I say stupid things! I'm sure I could have made it much much worse though.

oh. and the next news. although it's not THAT bad, but still. He mentioned the lake. well, this is the same lake that he lied about seeing you know who. the lake that he was going to go by himself and do a lot of "thinking", and I had written him a letter about how proud I was of him going alone to ride his motorcycle. Well, when I wrote it, I knew that most likely he would see her sometime during the trip. I still don't know if she was at the lake or not, but I know he drove down south to meet her, or maybe dropped her off. who knows. he's never admitted. Well, I said, I'm not sure I'm okay with that because I'm still associating things with certain things. I knew he understood because he brought it up again today because of a friend of ours talking about it. and he said, I know you don't like "xx"lake, but so&so blah blah. I asked well, do you remember reading my letter? did you have any good memories of me while there? like, if he was starting to think he may want me, or whatever. well, he said, couldn't really remember the letter, but he remembered the package it was in. ug. he doesn't remember anything that he ever said during that time, or what I talked about or gave him. Even though he has one of the best memories. So, either he was really really in lala land then, and really doesn't remember, or he's just not wanting to tell me. he's annoying. lol

okay, totally didn't mean to go off on all that. oops.

Basically, I'm feeling better today overall. I went rollerblading with s3 in stroller and that was good. got rained on, but it was fun. Found out my g-ma finally started drinking MonaVie and the next day she took her car to the wash, went somewhere else, then went to KFC. This is a lot for my granny, who is a little frail 90lb 80+ woman. Then, at KFC, she got a wing and a leg, and she always gets that, eats half of it and saves the rest for dinner. Well, she ate the WHOLE thing and she couldn't believe she was so hungry! it was so funny. you just have to know my granny. I think it's great, because she must be getting more active and her body's saying FEED ME!

okay, that's all for today.