The counselor just called me and we had a phone session. i am going to go. We'll see where it leads. She had a lot of good things to say that gave me some hope.
KS,
I say Now It's Over because she is bringing up stuff to make herself better about leaving. She knows that is not true.
I said "Enough, if you want to leave that's fine. Just don't be adding things that you know are not true. I'm tired."
I don't understand why she would try to add some more things. I already told her I am not going to hold her back any longer. If she wants to leave, she can go. I will no longer try to stop her.
We were supposed to have a session tomorrow, but i told her to cancel it. She wants to go so we can figure out how we are going to handle the kids and such. I told her if we weren't going to work on us, i didn't want to go. She had me me call the counselor and talk to her. I left a message and she hasn't call back.
Boy, what are you doing??? KS is right!! And I told you that she has to find a reason to justify her actions.
Have you read DB or DR? If not you need to read them tonight!!! Even if it takes all night.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
The counselor just called me and we had a phone session. i am going to go. We'll see where it leads. She had a lot of good things to say that gave me some hope.
KS,
I say Now It's Over because she is bringing up stuff to make herself better about leaving. She knows that is not true.
As I said before don't worry about what she's saying. I know you feel like you have to defend yourself or have an answer to everything! That's a trait that us men have, don't let her pull you into these types of conversation, I know it's hard but you have to be stronger.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
I said "Enough, if you want to leave that's fine. Just don't be adding things that you know are not true. I'm tired."
I don't understand why she would try to add some more things. I already told her I am not going to hold her back any longer. If she wants to leave, she can go. I will no longer try to stop her.
We were supposed to have a session tomorrow, but i told her to cancel it. She wants to go so we can figure out how we are going to handle the kids and such. I told her if we weren't going to work on us, i didn't want to go. She had me me call the counselor and talk to her. I left a message and she hasn't call back.
Why did you cancel the appt? Why would you give her that kind of an ultimatum if you don't want a D.
Here's the deal - issue an ultimatum, but be ready for the answer/choice she makes - ANY choice she makes. Don't expect her to make the choice YOU want....KWIM?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
It sounds like she has trust issues. It does not matter if you were separated when you had a one night stand or that she is looking for dates. She needs to trust you in order to be intimate with you. Women and men are so different when it comes to companionship. Reread DB and get to work. You can still save your marriage if you look at yourself with a clearer mind.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Well personally if you don't want a D, I wouldn't file. Do you want to fight for your M and your W?
More importantly, are you going to CONTINUE fighting and standing FOR YOUR KIDS?
Me: 39 WAW: 40 S10, D7, S6 Bomb #1 - 12-24-06: Move out (ILYBNILWY - admitted '05 PA) Move back: 3-2-07 (W: I still want to be married to you) Bomb # 2 - 4-11-07: (W: Can't do this - never loved you) Move out again: 4-29-07 Dark: 6-8-07
I say Now It's Over because she is bringing up stuff to make herself better about leaving. She knows that is not true.
Ummmm, isn't that right from the WAS playbook? You really aren't surprised by this are you? Don't continue validating silly ass statements like this with her. How about "if you don't have anything relevent to talk about, I need to get back to work".
Me: 39 WAW: 40 S10, D7, S6 Bomb #1 - 12-24-06: Move out (ILYBNILWY - admitted '05 PA) Move back: 3-2-07 (W: I still want to be married to you) Bomb # 2 - 4-11-07: (W: Can't do this - never loved you) Move out again: 4-29-07 Dark: 6-8-07
A book I commented on in Newcomers, regarding dating others to make the WAW jealous. Seems dangerous. I know you didn't date, but the idea of looking elsewhere seemed to get across to her...
Two, the changes in the mindset of the WAW should be expected...they seems so confused. Even though my sitch has been pretty uneventful, my WAW has changed her mind on many things in 3 months (except her resolve that D is the right thing to do). One week "I want that furniture", next "I don't want that, I want that furniture". They seem more confused than we are.
I, personally, will never give up. I am coming to a peace that I'll be fine, don't "need" her, but definitely want her.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/29/1508:52 PM. Reason: book reference not allowed
I am going to the counseling appt tonight. I have read DB and DR and put them to work last time. I have validated everything during the reconciliation. I believe it has just come to the point where she WANTS to leave. With the least little thing, she wants to leave. I have tried to make her comfortable and be able to trust me. I have been an open book. Nothing hidden.
I am not saying I will no longer fight for my M and kids. I can no longer fight with her about things I am not doing. She is the one doing things and I am waiting for her to stop. How do I go about that? I can issue an ultimatum, and I know what the answer will be.
We'll just see what happens at counseling and go from there.
