Sometimes it helps to have a skilled person who has seen affairs in the past to help walk you through the questions/hurt that you don't even know you are feeling.

I understand if there are no qualified counselors in your area.

I did a search on Amazon, there are an unfortunately large number of books available to you about getting past the affair.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/104...fter+the+affair

The book that I have heard highly recommended is:
http://www.amazon.com/After-Affair-Heali...82204450&sr=8-1


I think the keys to moving on, 1 - understanding why the affair happened.

I read online there are 7 types of affair:
1. My marriage made me do it: basically the unfaithful spouse believes the marriage is damaged and finds someone else that they think will be better for them.
2. I can't say no: the unfaithful spouse has a sexual addiction, or doesn't care enough to not sleep around.
3. I don't want to say no: Your spouse enjoys the chase and wants to feel that charge of meeting, and romancing new people.
4. I fell out of love (and i deserve to be in love): This is my wife, usually during a lull in the marriage (taking care of kids, etc) the spouse feels like the feeling is gone, and someone comes along and fills that void. This feeling doesn't last though.
5. I want to get back at him/her: Your spouse is mad about something and this is a revenge sex thing.
6. I need to prove my desirability: Your spouse has some esteem issues, and someone comes along to show that attraction, and they fall for it.
7. I want to be close to someone: Your spouse has intimacy issues, and its just easier to be in an affair relationship where he and the OW are happy not dealing with the realities of a relationship. Lets face it an affair is simply love letters, sex and good times.. UNTIL you have to move to the next level and get the affair out into the open.


That is a pretty bad summarization of what the online site said. But when it comes down to it, until you understand what caused the affair, I think it will be impossible to move forward productively without having major trust issues.

Say your husband feels your marriage is bad, what have you done together to work on it? Have you read any books on relationships?

Since counseling is out of the question, here are the three books I would recommend.

1. 5 love languages - Gary Chapman
2. How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words - Dr. Patricia Love.
3. Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship - M Gary Neuman.