Well as of now I have not heard from my W about the D. I thought this maybe my game plan...I will not fight the devorce but neither will I be the one to make it go faster. When I reply'd to her sms I simply stated that she should call me later that day to talk about it...I am still without the said call.
I don't know, but I get the feeling that she would like me to contact her & say, lets get this thing rolling...She could then put the blame on me rather than herself. I thought of telling her, at some point.."This is your choice, not mine, I will not fight it but I will not initiate something that I don't want. This is Your choice & is somehting that if/when becomes the wrong choice, then it is you that is to blame & not me". I probably won't say or tell her this but it's what I feel right now.
I must say that I am feeling positive about my own life, I have no idea why, but I am, i'm looking forward to all the plans I have for myself.
Today was the first time in a long time that I was riding my motercycle, I had a great time too.
I thought today about all the stuff with my sitch & if I care...It confuses me sometimes because I came to the conclusion that I don't care. Yes I want my W back but I dont care either way.
I have thought about the fact that she is with the OM...Do I care? Well it's does not make me angry or jelous, I don't know what to make of that...
I used to walk around the house & see things that made me stop & think about my W, things that would make me think for a while & feel sad...now the same things make me think for a min or two & its gone...Do I care? Maybe it's all part of the detachment that I am making.
Thankyou so much for writing about this Strange - I have been having exactly the same feelings.
I'm about to move into a great new apartment (chosen with me and my cats in mind - not for W if she decides to come back), I've bought new clothes, seeing more of my friends who have been taking me to places I'd have never gone to with my W - and I'm REALLY beginnning to feel - 'hell I can do this!'.
This isn't to say I don't have my negative moments - but I can now pull myself out of them quicker - and they are far, far fewer. I still think about my sitch daily / hourly but I am 'coping' far better.
It really is a sense of lack of caring what W does - fine - see the OM who you used describe as dull and boring (now he's your soulmate - yeah right!)- stuff up your life - in the meantime I'm getting one of my own - with or without you.
Would I still have her back - sure - but in the meantime I want to find me again - and it's time for me to play 'caretaker' for myself for a change. I know it's still going to rattle me sometimes - but this bb and my friends will be there to catch me if I trip.
I hope this IS detachment - I still do love my W deeply - but sorry - I'm too good a catch to wait around for my W to come to her senses - and it sounds like you are too Strange!
I know sometimes it's still three steps forward and four back - but I think we're moving towards a much 'healthier and happier' mindset Strange.
Thats the point, guys....and it sounds like you have found detachment.
I also finally got to the point where I let go of control of my W and sitch by working on me and enjoying things I like...like my Chevelle.(hence my screen name)
Then its funny that, after detaching...she comes around a little, go figure. Now the question is, do we want them back?
That is the million dollar question we all have to figure out...
I have say to that when I first read about detachment, about 6 weeks ago, I was like huh? But everything I read more or less said the same thing about it, so it must have some level of truth to it, is what I was thinking.
I think sometimes I try to analise things a little to much, then not quite seeing things the way they are. I have not felt any anger towards the OM, except for the first day when I found out, but that was kept to myself. So I have looked at that & tryed to figure out why. I have also waited for it to go pop... & then the anger, but none has arrived. I can only say that I must have detached myself from that situation quite early, but did not realise it.
As regards talking to my W about the D, which three days ago, she wanted to talk to me about, but has not yet got back to me. In the early days I would have called her just as an excuse to talk to her. I also know that I would have found it almost impossible to not sound negative about it too. Right now I have no doubt that I could quite happily say, sure lets talk about your choice. Of course i'm no doormat & I would try to stall & buy time where I could. But I could quite happily go along with it too, knowing that it's not my choice to do so.
Non of this will stop me with my life, it may side track me here & there. It may be my natural stubbeness, or it maybe detachment, but I know it will not have an effect on my plans for me.
Still no word form my W about the fact that she wants to talk about the D, I'm not hanging around for her to call about it or not. But it does puzzle me a little that if she wants to talk about it, then why not go right ahead & do so, I know I would. I don't know if she was expecting me to call her up & say...hey wait lets not rush this etc etc...I just reply'd to her sms, saying call me later to when you want to talk. I know I always preach to my self & to others also, never attempt to deny someone of something they say they want, it makes them want it more if you do.
I was talking to my bro a few days ago & he said to me...I don't think W knows why you are taking all of this so well. I do think it's sort of thrown her off track a little...could be wrong though.
I know i have mentioned this before but W still has a key for the house...Today she must have been here as doors that I left open were infact closed when I came in from work...I was expecting to find a letter or something about the D, but nothing, she even left her mail that has been delivered over the last few days. so at the moment I do not know what she would have come here for. I wount call here to ask either, which is somehhing that I would have done weeks ago, just as an excuse to talk...
My W has been threatening to file prior to June 30 for some time now. There was legislation that would require a 2 year wait (that's a bad thing?). Anyway, this weekend she said that law does not look like its going through, so no hurry.
However, I was totally prepared to get the papers in the mail in the next 2 weeks. I often think that W MUST get to this step, no matter what. So I was prepared to accept it but not give up.
Be prepared, if it happens, keep doing what your doing.
Hey, just try to keep in mind, the longer the wait for D papers, the more the pendulum swings on your side...I know if my W wanted a D, I would have the papers the next month or so, but as long as they drag their feet (whether it be dumb luck, divine intervention, or maybe they are thinking ;)), you still have a good chance to stop it.
Today is my Anniversary, but instead, I would like to take the time to wish my self all the best for my future & my happyness
I have to read better about the laws in the UK regarding devorce i'm not sure if there is any legislation that may require an amount of time to pass before it's final.
I am expecting her to go forward with the devorce, if thats her choice then so be it, but she has to be aware it's her choice.
For what ever reason my W seems to have a problem with contacting me & thats her problem to deal with, I have no problem with anything. It's sort of funny really, I can accept this for what it is & would openly disscuss this with her too. She on the other hand with her network of friends that are giving her all the support & shouting her on, seems not able to communicate other than sms message. Whats more strange is that if I was to call my W right this moment, she would be fine & talk without problem.
