I already do that type of thing. If I am over at the house or if we are talking and I see/hear of something that I can take care of I take care of it. She's really appreciating that initiative and it seems to be really helping us in our relationship. It's also helping me feel a lot better about who I am trying/wanting to be, the family patriarch. Admittedly it really influences how I feel about myself because I am providing for and caring for my family.
As for the asking thing, she understood where I was coming from in that I am not around the house or the family as much so it's difficult to just "see" what needs to be done. So her "having" to ask me is understood. She's also trying to be independent too and I realize that as well. So the end result is we are getting to a really good balance point between my self identification and her requests. What I have to really focus on as well is execution and not trying to take on too much which makes it look like I am doing nothing or not getting it done. So for me managing expectations via managing the task list is really big too.
Now recent activity:
This morning I met her at the house to give her a ride to the office. When I suggested this yesterday she was a little reluctant to accept, but she did anyway. This morning she was very appreciative because it took a stress off of her to worry about airport parking and transportation. One reason I offered was her car. I plan on taking her car and having it detailed for her while she's gone, actually may do it myself. It's a mess and she apologized about it's appearance last night while driving to dinner.
As for our morning, it was nice and we chatted the whole way to her office. I did bring up I noticed her tires wear getting fairly worn and I'd research new ones for her. This got her to tell me all about other issues she's having with the car. Of course I am taking all of that as a "request" of sorts and will run with it. To her credit she's done a really good job handling servicing on the car and I've made a point to compliment her on it as well.
Last thing, she and I discussed her trip while we were driving to the office this morning. She's got to make 7 or so people redundant on Wednesday which isn't easy. I told her I realized it would be a difficult day and I'm here if she wants or needs an ear for support. She really appreciated the offer and responded such that I somewhat expect to hear from her after she's done.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
