How does one stop fixating on the OW and move on?

[saffie]

This is the first time I have 'posted' so I hope I am doing it correctly!!

I found out last year that H was having an affair with one of his staff. It had been going on for 18 months before he told me. We had been married for just under 20 years and were about to celebrate our 20th anniversary. I knew things in the marriage were not good and was going to counselling, (CBT), to try to alter our behaviour toward one another in the hope of bringing ourselves closer again. H had always been my best friend and the only man I wanted to be with but having had four children, and all that that entails, had caused a space between us. Things were obviously much worse than I thought they were. H had convinced himself I no longer loved him - which just wasn't true; we had just forgotten how to be close and loving.

The OW was also married and had 2 children. She pursued my husband and it is quite clear from correspondence that she was predatory and conniving. That doesnt excuse my H but he is quite inexperienced in relationships,( we both are having been with each other from young), and not good at reading the opposite sex. Once she had him hooked, or so she thought, she left her husband and children. From emails that she sent my H it was obvious that she thought he wld ask me to leave the marital home and she wld move in and just take my place; EVEN BEING MUM TO MY CHILDREN after abandoning her own.

As soon as my husband new I was still committed to him, (which came about via my counselling), he told me about the OW and within a few days we had recommitted to each other.

My problem now is that I cannot get this other woman out of my mind and I really want to as she makes me feel nasty and small minded. I find it hard to believe that she thought she could just move into my life and take over my family. I want to hear her explain how this could be and justify her actions. It is unfortunate that the last time my husband slept with her was on my youngest daughters birthday. When my daughter had her birthday this year I couldnt enjoy it and I feel that that date has been stolen from me. How could one married woman with children do this to another?

The OW resides in my head all the time and I keep having imaginary fights with her. I have just come antidepressants after having spent the last 12 months drugged up in order to cope and stop myself self harming. Now it's time to move on and get this OW out of my mind so that I can live in peace. What can I do?