Letting Go of My WAW

[Nomopo]

Hello Friend!

First, I am really looking forward to seeing you this week. Let's touch base on details tomorrow.

Second, I hate that ? in your name. When are you going to lose that???

Third, sorry I lost track of you this weekend. Lot going on myself, and I don't follow you as easily on that new forum.

OK, well my friend, I think that you have had an EXCELLENT development. Not out of the woods, by any stretch, and I'm not sure whatthe answers are for going forward, but let me give some thoughts.

One of them was a pottery turtle for the garden. At this point, I was thinking, "what the he!! is she thinking giving me something for the yard right before we tell the kids that they are moving away."

I chuckled at this. I got some yard art too. It's pretty cool (I'll show you when you come over), but I was like "what are you thinking? Oh yeah, that's right, they're not thinking.

A few minutes later, the kids are out of the room and I am chilling at the b'fast table w/ my cuppa joe. Out of the blue she says: "I am not going to take the job in TX." I was completely stunned, shocked, and speechless.

My jaw dropped too! But I think it is fantastic.

She explained, tearily, that she could not stand to tear apart what the kids have here, take them away from their dad, and also have them live a much less comfortable life. I was still in shock and really did not know what to say. I mumbled something like "I can't believe you just said that and am not really prepared to talk about this just yet."

Hindsight is 20/20, but if you see an opening (don't force it), you might tell her that you know how hard it was for her to say that and thanks.

there is no clear, easy answer that will make all of us happy.

What is the question? She told you she wasn't going to Texas. Good. Now what question did/do you have to answer? When she read your reaction to mena you wanted her to go, you cleared that up. So what is left to say, other than maybe what I suggested or MAYBE (not sure here), that you are glad she decided to stay [for the kids?]. Are you glad?

She went into the living room and I gave her a few minutes. When I joined her, she was still teary. I gave her a hug around the shoulders which she did not at all respond to (didn't expect her too) and said again that I did not have a good answer and that I understood how hard it was. We talked a bit but mostly just contemplated quietly.

Again, what are you thinking you need to answer. When you say you talked a bit, what about?

After all this, we went to IHOP as a family for Father's Day. We came home and I spent time with the kids, swimming, walk in the woods, etc. W took a nap and went outside to talk on the phone to her dad, sister in Austin and some friends (and maybe others), while the kids and I were inside. Later she locked herself in her room and sent email/IM.

All i have to say about this is sounds like you had fun with the kids, and that you are worrying too much about who she was talking to or emailing with. Just my opinion, but you can't control those two things so don't let them cloud your thoughts. They bring up emotions that keep you from focusing on you and executing your plan.

She was mostly standoffish, but then ordered in burgers for Father's day dinner and went with the kids to pick it up. Dinner was pleasant, with typical convo, no stress. She cleaned up the kitchen and then picked up the house. I thanked her and said that was a nice F. Day present. She said it was nothing.

All sounds fine. Do you read something into her alleged standoffishness about you? You shouldn't.

After dinner, we watched the end of the golf tourney (W even paid attention and commented on how buff Tiger has gotten.)

Small positive? She never paid attention before? Maybe she was trying to connect. Like the time my W asked about UT's recruiting. I couldn't believe it.

W was sitting on the couch watching TV. I got my stuff ready for a.m. workout and then sat down in a chair by her. She looked really tired and not at all happy.

Of course, you didn't expect her to be happy. This is tought stuff. She really wanted to go to Austin. Which is why I see it as so positive, personally.

I was thinking she might want to discuss something further, but alas no.

Alas? This was a good thing. You had enough for one day. You handled it well. Anything else would likely have been too much stress.

she went to her room and has spent 1/2 hour sending email/IM.

You just can't worry about this right now. Maybe later, but not while you are on such unsure footing. Focus on you, what you are doing and the reactions it gets from her. The adjust or continue your behavior accordingly.

I am totally unsure what she will do tomorrow concerning the job in TX and my feeling is that I am probably better not saying anything, but am worried that this will be a missed opportunity.

I don't THINK the opportunity will just appear and then disappear quickly to be gone forever. So don't put too much pressure on yourself. But, it would not surprise me at all if she waffles on this decision. So be prepared for that and how you will handle it. You will want to keep your emotions in check. Don't argue with her if she says again that she is thinking of going. I'm thinking something like "It sounds like you still are fuguring some stuff out, and that is fine. You need to take your time and decide what you think is best, and I will respect your choices. Part of me wants to tell you that I think you staying in Fl while I finish X is best for us and our family, but another part of me knows that that is putitng pressure on you and you have to make this decision for yourself." (I like the "part of me" trick my C taught me. It's a way to get out what you probably shouldn't say in a less threatening way.)

Hope that helps!
Nomopo