We started the business together. It basically started in my kitchen (plumbing contractor). We used money that I received from my mother's life insurance to put a down payment on his first truck. We then built a small shop with a office. I did the paperwork for him in the evenings after I got finished at school. He started getting more work and hired more people. I eventually convinced him that he needed a real secretary(yes, the one he is having an affair with, I could kick myself). I even found her. We incorporated the business. I'm listed as 49% owner and he is 51% owner. He outgrew the shop and we bought a new shop and acreage. He employs around 11 people now. The mortgage to the shop is listed in both of our names. So as you can see my name is listed all over the business. I just don't physically work there.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Youngest D(16) is thoroughly disgusted with her dad. Today we went shopping. We were sitting outside a dressing room waiting on my neice. D proceeds to tell me about a conversation she had with her dad. Until today she really hadn't said much about my H and OW. She said she told him I think you did Mom pretty shi**y. I know about you and the secretary. He said who told you that? She said I have my sources and no, it wasn't Mom. He said who? She said I won't betray my source, just remember we live in a smal community and stuff gets around. She said obviously it's true or you wouldn't be so worried who told me. She said if you end up with her, Dad, I'll never talk to you again.
Today while were shopping D got H Father's Day present. She said she wanted to take it to him tonight. I said well, you will have plenty of time to take it to him after church. She said well, I'm really bored and I just want to take it now. She called him and said hey, I'm coming to your office (remember he is supposedly staying there all the time) to bring you your gift. He said well, you can give it to me tomorrow. She said where are you? He said I'm just riding around and won't be home til late. (yeah, right, who just rides around with the gas prices?) She got off the phone and I just looked at her and didn't say anything. She said he is so lying. She said I'm going to take it over there now and just leave there. She said I don't want to go over there by myself, I'm scared, please go with me. I said sure,Hon, if that's what you want to do. I said do you know the code to the fence and she said no so I gave it to her. Well, guess what it didn't work. I said try it again. She did and it still didn't work. She said I'm calling him. She said I'm at your office, what is the code? He said who are you with? She said I'm by myself. I did not tell her to tell him that. She said look, I don't know what you are doing, I just want the code. He finally gave it to her, and yes he had changed it.She drove in the fence and just threw it by the front door she was so mad. Now, he is lying to his D. He apparently has no conscience!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I hope one day our H's realize what damage they are doing to their D's.....before it's too late!!! My D16 actually stayed up til 2am to give her dad the gifts she bought. I hope he thanked her!
Husband never ceases to shock me. He called D16 this afternoon and asked why she decided to bring the present over last night instead of today. I know what he was getting at. He thought I put her up to it. I did not as a matter of fact I told her to wait and do it after church Sunday. She said I'm bored and I want to go over there and after church I want to jump in the pool. She told her dad that she didn't feel like she could trust him because he hadn't always been faithful to us. She said you have lied to me before and you know what I'm talking about we have discussed it before. He said I just had to get out so I went riding around. She said I didn't even have to get you a Father's Day present and his reply was I didn't have to give you that money to go shopping yesterday either.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
H just called seems he wants me to go to Victoria Secret and buy whatever I want , spend as much as I want ?????? HMMMMMMMMMM? And he told me he LOOOOOOOOOOOVES me very , very much. I dunno wether to be elated which I am or suspicious. I think I will go with elated for now and let him deal with it if this is out of guilt! This is so up and down I feel like I am getting dizzy Flicka what do you think? God bless...
Now that I went and posted on your thread like a " space cadette"... I was reading some of your thread , and actually went back to read further and although I do not know you at all ...
WHAT stuck out to me is that he wants to keep the business cause of your daughters ..... UTTER B**************LLLLLLLLLLL S***!!!! If you have a lawyer make sure he helps you on that one for sure. I was Married before for 9.5 years to my high school "sweetheart" and to make a long story short. I was far too nice and he cheated me out of everything and his NEW Wife made my 2 boys suffer like you could not even fathom. I dont rememeber how old you said your children are but yes fight with tooth and nail for them cause when the New wife takes over like you said it can get really ugly. Suffice to say my kids were with their Dad in the school year and me in the summer and when MY h and I went to pick up my boys they were emaciated and I am not even exagerating a bit. They said they used to get so hungry they would eat the dogs food and put honey on ice cubes... and she would eat frozen ice cream treats in front of them. To this day my boys will not speak to their Father.
So anyway your comment about when she takes over struck a cord with me. IT actually infuriated me and this for me is over 8 years old.... my boys Step mom was so like that and she hurt my children while he stood by and watched.
Dont put your claws away not even for one d*mn minute cause YOU have their best interest at heart and you deserve HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whether he likes it or not. I was too nice and didnt want to fight and I got screwed. Please !!!!!!!! do not let this happen to you. Hope I helped some... this enrages me how men think w/ their D***S and the kids get so hurt in the process, your daughter is so brave. You sound like a fabulous Woman and Mother do not forget that and get ready to kick some a** cause he is most likely expecting you to agree with him cause you are kindhearted.. DO NOT LET HIM Take care sweetie and all my best to you,, you will be in my prayers. LOVE, Ali
You deserve half. It's legal and there's very little he can do about it. The business is 49% in your name -- duh!!! You may not get the house. The court may force a sale and you'll have to downscale. If you got the house, could your teacher's salary pay for the bills?
Get a good lawyer. Don't make it a bloodbath. Mediation with lawyers checking things out is often the best route.
Divorce financially hurts. It will hurt him, too. That's life.
Be careful, Yoyo. I think, perhaps helping your daughters not "chase" him would help. They are free to express themselves, but don't, in a small way, derive any vicarious joy from their rage at him.
If you need to rage at him, then you do it.
Yes, he says that he'll take care of daughters. Maybe he thinks he will. In actuality, he'll take care of her kids. If he lives with her, then he'll functionally be the father to her children. That the ugly thing about blended families. It's just a shuffling of parents: you daughters lose their father, her children gain one. I'm being raw and cynical about it, but that's the rub. Say what you will, he's divorcing your children as well. It really sucks. It always has. There's no civilized, "self-actualized, loving way of doing this.
The best you can do is protect your own and your daughters' financial interests
I am going to pray you don't give in to bitterness. The next stage for you might very well end up being heavy anger, bitterness and judgement. That helps you detatch.
You know, it never ceases to amaze me how often this happens to Christians on these boards. It's really jaded me. Was your husband a Christian, too?
This has caused a crisis of faith for me. Rather, it's grown me in ways I didn't want to. I've never had such pain, sin and broken-ness come this close to me before.
Ali and Theo, Thanks for your replies. Ali, my girls are 16 and 19. So basically he is only legally bound to take care of the youngest. I'm so sorry for what your boys went through. It is so hard to believe that a parent could stand by and let another person treat their children like that.
I too have seen how once the new wife gets their claws in them how they forget about their own children. My made this comment to him once before I even knew he was involved with secretary. I said that if he found someone they wouldn't want him supporting the girls.
Theo, our house is paid for. My car is paid for. So if I was able to get house I would just basically have to pay utilities and repairs. It's funny that you mentioned bitterness, I pray to God everyday to not let bitterness overtake my life. I'm afraid the divorce could definitely get ugly. I'm not trying to scam him, I just want to divide everything fairly and equally, but he doesn't want me touching business. His business makes more in one year than what my house and car are worth. I just want to know that I can take care of my girls and provide them with an education. He said if I would let him keep all of the business he would pay for all of their college. I'm sorry I just don't trust him. I have no doubt that he loves the girls, but women change men.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
HMMMMMMMMMM?
and to make a long story short. I was far too nice and he cheated me out of everything and his NEW Wife made my 2 boys suffer like you could not even fathom. I dont rememeber how old you said your children are but yes fight with tooth and nail for them cause when the New wife takes over like you said it can get really ugly.