I am in the same predicament as both of you. My h is still in A and has started counseling with me. Good sign, I think, but then I worry. I sit in counseling and say "i'm committed to you and this M, blah blah blah". I feel as if I am just saying CODE for "you take as much time as you need with the A and I'll be waiting!" What do you think?
So I don't really know if counseling is any good as long as A is still going on. He tells me he has to get to cutting that off in his "own time" - that I bullied him most of our M and he's not going to be bullied into this. He too tells me he's been unhappy for most of marriage, and I didn't know it. I knew there were issues, but I'm realistic - what R doesn't have some issues? He's admitted he doesn't communicate well in counseling so that's I guess a start.
So, I assume (ikes!) many of you will judge, but I am starting to consider dating. I just don't see why not. My husband is actively giving up everything (me, seeing kids every day, our home is for sale, all our friends, etc) for this affair and he continues it everyday. I have to expect the worst and hope for the best, but that could be a very long time. I just don't know what to do.
Somedays I think "wait for him as long as it takes" and other days, I really do think "i'm great. I have the capacity to love deeply. I want someone who loves me deeply enough to fight for me and our kids." Sadly I just don't think I should have to convince someone to love me, to fight for his kids.
Yesterday being Fathers Day really choked me up. I want a man to raise my boys with character and with unshakeable good values. I say this "i can understand my H having an affair, I can even forgive and learn from it." But how do you forgive the continuation of this at the expense of everyone you love? This continuation of the A just sometimes seems too much to forgive. Does anyone else feel this way? Am I just supposed to wait until she dumps my H and then hope he'll take me back? Well, I'm sorry - I think I deserve better. Sorry guys, maybe today's just a bad day and I need to reread my books that tell me to wait it out, be strong, etc!
