After six months of trying, she said there is just too much. I haven't changed. I am still the same way. She can't trust me. While we were at Disney last week, I was checking my e-mail and she saw I had an e-mail from MySpace. She didn't know I had a MySpace page. I'll take the blame for that. I didn't think much of it. I didn't check it that often. I created it while we were separated to find old friends from high school. I let her look at it thinking it would clear things up by her seeing there was nothing on there. I wasn't trying to hook up with anyone. She doesn't believe me.
Yesterday, she checked the voice mail on my phone and someone from the past wished me a Happy Fathers Day. At first, I didn't recognize the voice, but then I realized who it was. I told her who I thought it was and said I haven't talked to her since February. She thinks I am sleeping with someone. I am not. I haven't since we have gotten back together. I had a one night stand while we were separated and she was with the person she left me for.
She said there is too much. She can't trust me. We talked last night/this morning. Afterwards, she left. When she came back, she said she doesn't want to do this anymore. I asked her if she was sure. She said she believed so. This time, I didn't cry, beg, or plead. She is going to stay here until she can get herself together. We haven't decided about the kids. I want her to stay, I want to work on it, but this time I am going to let her go.
We are supposed to go to counseling tomorrow, but it doesn't seem as if we are going to make it. The therapist said at our last appointment that she would like for us not to make any big decisions for awhile. Guess that is not going to happen.
During our whole time back together, she was still going to the dating site she was going to while we were separated. She knew I knew and still did it. She even told some man she doesn't think it is going to work. I figured she would have to get it out of her system the same way I had to. I was willing to deal with it as long as she was trying. Now that she has decided she doesn't want to try, I am putting up my wall so it will not hurt as much.
Just for the record, I have changed. She just doesn't want to see it.
