Choc, This is horrible. I too had the experience of my H's parents phoning me every day. His dad just wanted to whoop him, and his mum was there to listen. She was great, and didn't really take his side as a mother but just talked about how he is generally and stuff and how she went through the same thing with his Dad. She supported me really well.
Listen Choc I know you pretty much feel like it is over, because of what you have said about loving her image and not loving her. But feelings change over time. When my H walked out my kids were 4 and 20m. If they had not been that young and if I had not been SAHM, the way our R had been going I would have just gone "see ya" and helped him pack his bags.
But I didn't, I came here and I sought help and patched things back. He came home, we were happy for a few months and then things began to backslide. I've been in piecing and I've been in SSM and it has been a long slow road. And two months ago I was truly ready to walk (yes I'll admit I even had posting on DATE THE UK - not that I was interacting with it, just posted to see what hits I'd get). Anyway things have changed for me and they can change for others too.
The way I see it she is most definitely MLC. Her daughters have moved out, she now feels like she is coming towards the end of the mothering part of her life (although with a son 10, I'm not sure how she figures that except that maybe she is telling herself the father is more important for boys) And she is taking stock and feeling like if she doesn't get out now she will never have another chance.
I will tell you the story of BIL and his W. Married 12 years, 3 kids. She was SAHM he was workaholic dad, not helped by the fact that she is something of a spendaholic. Because he could never keep up with her spending desires, With the youngest aged 2 she took a part-time job looking after disabled kids, she worked nights so he could mind their kids. She met a 21 yo guy at work (she was 33). She kicked out her H and moved the BF in. On Father's day when he went round to see his kids they wouldn't let him in the door. (he's not a big guy only 5'6") Later that day he took an overdose. Thankfully he was found and recovered. She used that fact in court to make it so he could only have 2 hours supervised access per fortnight. That is 2 hours spread between 3 kids, in a church hall with a bunch of other dads and kids in the same position. After a year he couldn't take it and moved out of the country. Anyway she has since had a child by the new guy. And now he has moved out on her and left without a trace so she gets no maintenance or child support from him. So she is left on her a$$, with a low-paid p/t job and 4 kids to bring up. HA HA HA is all I can say. But it absolutely sucks for the kids.
It seems to me that Mrs Choc is of the same mentality, I want what I want and I want it now. And she WILL get burned. The question is Choc, can you show more strength than my BIL? He was not strong-minded when he took the O/D and he was not strong minded when he left the country. I am not saying they could have got back together, but she was looking pretty down about it all when we saw them at Xmas and you could see the yearning on her face to be back in the fold. There's no way back for her, but there could be for Mrs Choc.
With Nopkins and the rest of us helping you out you can stay strong and maybe there is a chance for your family. Just something to chew over.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
