Sounds to me like things are still going well for you and your R. If I'm not mistaken, is she possibly concerned that you are seeing OW? It seems to me that this is why she called after your text convo, and had to ask "no one to go wit?" regarding the baseball game. When she doesn't hold the reigns, it seems she feels a need to somehow grasp them...
Did you get my earlier email? Sorry about the crashed plans -- maybe Tuesday?
I doubt she is worried about any OW, she is the one that keeps telling me to "go find someone else" and over the years has said "go get a girlfriend" so I'd stop chasing her around the house trying to get some physical affection from her (my LL) and she has also said "you need to go find yourself a nice Christian wife." Last time she said that I needed to date someone else, I told her that telling me that was extremely disrespectful and I didn't want to hear it again. The last time she told me to "get a life" I yelled at her that she doesn't need to tell me what to do, she isn't my mother!" I think that should get the point across, 'eh!
She is a controlling person and she thinks she is my mother. The problem all the puppet strings have been cut so her pulling them doesn't work anymore... Plus I already have a mother and don't need another one, not sure she knows how to be anything else, guess we'll find out. She has changed from "telling" me things to "asking" me things which is a nice change.
I got your email, I'll reply when I know more tomorrow. The new nick is great!
Hope you had a great time at the game! Sounds like it, and great to hear W kept texting you. that is awesome! Sounds like you were pretty busy this weekend!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
ST, Baseball game was fun, nice to go to a ballgame after all this time. I used to take my wife and kids to games before we moved, always a good time. Thanks for the help today, alway nice talkin' to ya.
Wife started sending me txt msgs about noon, wanted to know when I was leaving for Vegas, wanted to know who was watching the dogs. I told her I'd take care of it, I'd find someone. She wanted to know if out ex-SIL was going to do it, I told her that I would use him if I couldn't find anyone else. She asked if I'd had problems in the past with him doing it. I let her know that he is kind of flaky and I worry about if he'll actually do it. He is like another one of her "sons" that she wants to take care of so I didn't bash him or say anything that would prompt her to feel like she needed to defend him. She finally said "K" and I wait a few mins, then decided to ask her "what are you up to" since I haven't show much interest in her life lately. She said "done with case, now at lunch" and I thought of replying "have a good day" or something, but decided to just leave it be and drop the conversation.
Go my flight to Vegas bought, sucks because I'm going to miss a bunch of stuff while I'm gone. #1 softball game on Thur, #2 neighborhood meeting about a subdivision next door to my house, #3 IC appt on Friday, #4 men's breakfast Sat morning at church, #5 church on Sat night. It used to be easier to travel when I "didn't have a life..."
My sons want me to come this weekend to pick them up instead of next weekend. This is a problem for a few reasons: #1 I'm going to be gone to Vegas until Sat evening so I can't drive there (8hr drive) until Sunday, #2 My mom is flying here on Sunday and was going to drive back with me on Thursday, #3 I had timed my trip to pick them up to match my anniversary so I'd at least be around my wife and have the opportunity to give her a card or go to dinner together. If I change when I go to pick them up then the only thing I can't "fix" is the anniversary, my wife will be flying here 2 days later, so it isn't the end of the world. I could have my mom drive here with us and change her flight here to be a flight home instead. I also was going to be there at the end of the month for a few days so I could visit family and friends, now if I go it will be during the week and I'll have just been gone for 3 days so I will miss out on the things I wanted to do. Anyhow I have to figure it out today or tomorrow, I tried to hold off my sons when they asked me this yesterday, but they were already pesting me today about it and wanted to know why it was a problem so I told them all the reasons... They haven't said anything since then so I don't know if they gave up or are waiting for me to figure it out.
hey, on the anni. just be careful. don't get anything emotional, and you might just get an inspirational card, nothing about the anniversay. Remember she is "gone", as you said. So no expectations okay? You don't want to set yourself up for hurt.
have a good night. thanks for calling today
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
just catching up - glad you had a good Dad day. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks for the comments about the anniversary ST, I wanted to at least be "around" for our anniversary, but who knows, might be better to just change my plans and not be in town with her to avoid screwing up too badly.
Today I sent my wife a txt msg about a college baseball game I was watching at lunch, it was the 13th inn and ended up setting a new record for length at something like 5hr and 40 mins or so. She responded with "I have a bring back for bleeding" and I sent a simple "bummer" and she sent back "Kids at game place ttul."
I talked to my mom for about an hour this evening since she might have to change her plans to visit if I end up going to pick up the boys this weekend instead of the end of the month. I came home from work and spent the evening working in the yard, want to get the lawn mowed before I go to Vegas because it'll be pretty long if I wait until I get back. Not sure if I'll have time to get it done tomorrow since I have softball, then I want to go to the opening night of baseball. Maybe if I get up early I can mow it before work or something.
Decided when I came in and sat down to watch baseball tonight that I'd call my wife. First call since she left a week ago, just a call to ask how her day was and to say goodnight since it was 9pm her time. She didn't answer, I left a VM saying what time it was and that I was calling to see how her day was and to say goodnight. She sent me a txt msg about 10 mins later saying "I was in the bathroom, watching baseball now, A's 6 cinn 1, nite" and I decided not to respond. 20 mins later she called me, we talked for about 3 mins, she told me that the A's won, I told her that the Giants lost, she said she knew, she'd watched the game earlier. I mentioned the college game I watched and how all the people waiting for the next game were lined up outside the stadium sitting in line waiting for the game to end. I asked how her day was, she mentioned it was busy and about the "bring back" and I asked what bleeding they found and she told me. I asked how her hair appt on Sat turned out, she said fine, nothing special, it was fine. She told me the kids were at the game place and were supposed to leave at 11:30 and be back to their friend's house by midnight. I told her I'd call them before I went to sleep to check on them. Then I told her I was about to go to bed and read a bit, then pray and go to sleep. She said ok, she'd talk to me tomorrow and I told her goodnight. Told her ILY, but not until after I hung up.
Overall a good conversation, you'd think we were madly in love and happily married or something. I guess this is as close as she has gotten to a happily married since she has little to no responsibility and total freedom...
honey each conversation or day that passes like that, is like a page in a book of your lives and marriage. The more pages of day to day functioning life, interacting with kids and doing what we DO in life, the more pages the bigger the book and the harder it gets to just pretend it was all some long drawn out mistake.
If her needs have changed, fine. She has the duty to tell you what needs have changed, which she can handle and what you can do to help meet her needs, if you want to. I read somewhere that in Good marriages you should ASK for 100% of what you want from your partner---BUT-----be prepared to negotiate. The first part isn't selfish, it's honest. As adults we are responsible for saying occassionally, "I WANT THIS--!" and this does not make us WAS'. Just makes US CLEAR and it's unfair for us to make our spouses guess wrong and then blame them when we could have spoken up like big girls.
Sometimes my h rents a movie he thinks will please me after I specifically say "go get a guy movie and I'll get a chick flick". So, no more reading minds. And keep having those safe days. They're safe and the more of them, the better. If she feels unpressured and yet still has access to the good side of the kids, she'll want to be with them more and not b/c of guilt--which she'd eventually resent YOU for causing...make sense?
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
She says her needs have changed, she doesn't want to be married, to anybody. She didn't bother to tell me until I stood up and said what I wanted from her and she said "I can't give you what you need..." I've never been the one to say "I want XXX or else I'm leaving" but she has gotten fed up over the years and brought up divorce a few times. I'm trying hard to not be a mind reader, but then I can't believe most of what she says either, that kind of leaves me lost in the fog, so I think right now marriage-wise I'm just sitting with my engine idling in neutral waiting for the fog to clear or her to shine some light on the situation. Meanwhile I'm busy with my own life and working me and taking care of me.
Good to see you around j, hope all went well with your end of the school year stuff and all your visitors, -JDK
I think it's okay for you to be "available" during anni, but you will almost set yourself up, so just be careful. It's quite possible she won't want to see you that day. it could be possible she has tremendous guilt on that day, who knows.
Definitely right now, you can't exactly ask her what she needs, cause she probably really doesn't know and it's going to change every minute. So yes, you are in a fog, but God's given you a lamp and you will find your way out.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
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