Thanks for your reply... I stepped on it "CRAZY TRAIN" for a minute and realized WOMAN you need to get the h*ll off again~ he tried to get me upset this am. He called as sweet as Pecan Pie and acted " as if" and I told him what I had to say. I also told him when he called later that if he was going to be rude/mean he needed to wait an hour and not call me til he was going to be nice. HE AGREED~ ;\) 180 FOR ME AND IT FELT GOOD.
WHEN HE CALLED THIS MORNING AND WANTED TO PRETEND IT DID NOT HAPPEN AND HE WAS NOT CRUEL... I talked to him about it and he listened.
....he called several times today and when he was ready to start he would say I am going to let you go. ;\)
SO THAT WAS MY 1ST boundary and I am going to look for a website to help me deal with this more!
I am proud of me cause I went to workout for an hour and a half and I felt great then I took my kids to the park to spend time with my Family and my kids too~ we had a great time better than me sitting here worried and dwelling on this. You helped me see I do still let him take me down with him. and yes I used to like to drink when I was younger 10 years ago but I never got mean. I would turn into hippie child and I loved everyone, I would tell everyone you are so beautiful etc etc. Silly huh?
I surrender to much of me to him and I need to keep loving but set more boundaries and stand up for me more.
He told me today that someone had been calling him private incessantly all day and nite yesterday... and this am someone keyed his truck!! ???? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM? I did not dwell on that either cause I can assume it was the *W* who called him and go from there I have a great imagination.

But that is on him not me right????
As I sit here I am tense and I feel like I can not breathe. And so as much as I know I have to put this out of my mind it is not ok that he does these things and now more than ever he will hear me wether he wants to or not.. SWEET ALI needs to get a tougher skin and be a b*tch for awhile. It is so empowering to tell him like it is and he listens and is ok with it. He had better be !!!!
He has told me he loves me so many times today I lost count???~
Hopefully one day he will be well in the meantime I need to get stronger and use my voice once again and take back my power again. Take a deep breath and dive in and get my hands dirty cause I am too good of a Woman to take this SH*T anymore! I am more than the drink, more than the *W* that may be in his path and I am more than I even know. I am a beautiful person and he needs to treat me as such. Not as an obligation but b/c I am HIS WIFE and I love him, plain and simple. I feel strong and even when he called last nite and I thought he was referring to another OW I wasnt ready to wither I felt angry and ready to fight for my Pride and Respect.... No more BS.... I am done with it and it wil be hard not to absorb when he is "drunk" but I can do this and I already told him to not call if he was going to offend me.. call later when you are goinjg to be nice ....
I can do this and I also plan on working out daily again to get my spirit back in full gear. Watch out cause here comes the beautiful b*tch who aint gonna take your sh*t anymore,, I have paid my dues and enough is enough. Time for him to start working for my respect. I always gave it freely now he has to earn it from me and be the Man he knows he can be and nothing less.
He is so lost right now that he will say I need to stop and he does not.. God be with him cause he needs him now more than ever.
He is hurting me the Woman he says he adores and I will not stand by and wait anymore for him, I will rejoice in the day and my Kids and all that GOd has blessed me with and he can come with me or he can stay stuck. I love him with all my heart but he needs to also do this on his own.
God bless... and thanks for all your support everyone this weekend !!!!!!! I really needed it and it has been a real blessing and helped me so , so much!
God bless....