Letting Go of My WAW

[SuperDad]

Journaling 6/16/07
W and I just had a 3 hour session to discuss our separation agreement.

We were all business until she and I came to an impasse about whether she should get alimony on top of me helping to get her set up in Austin, paying for training, and letting her go and take the kids without a fight. This led to a long discussion about my decision making process. I said that it was an immeasurable emotional sacrifice and also a big financial sacrifice (due to required travel between FL and TX to be with the kids) for me to do this, plus I would be paying to get her set up in TX and she would be back on her feet in a job for which she is trained.

I told her that I did not want to spend one day away from the kids and that I was only doing this because I felt that it was the best of two terrible options that I was given. That is: either fight a huge legal battle to keep her from taking the kids and then end up with them stuck in FL even though both of our families are in TX or to be separated from my kids, but keep things civil.

She asked if I wanted to move to TX. I said that I wanted to be with my kids and that Austin was one of many places I could be happy living. However, this was not my choice to go there right now, rather a concession to her. I told her that I could not give up my dreams and long term happiness just to make myself or my kids happy in the short term.

She then brought up the subject of us staying in FL. (I almost fell out of my chair!) She asked how that might work. We discussed for a while. She said she would not get a job here as a teacher, but could not really explain why. (The original proposal from me was that we both could work and save a lot of money over a few years, build up more equity in house, and then when I was able to get a job at the Univ., we could all make the move.)

She was again in tears over the idea of not having the freedom to go to TX when she wanted to, if we stayed in FL, and also because she would be away from her family (and current OM – my comment). When I told her that I was not willing to move out of our house and that I was also not willing to live in a house with her while she was actively pursuing other men/having As, she thought for a long while and said, “OK, well that’s it then. I’m going to TX.”

The rest of the day was non-eventful: I went grocery shopping/haircut, then to neighbor’s for Gold Cup soccer. W and kids joined us after the match for grill party. W and kids went home by 9:30 and I stayed later talking, dancing, etc.