When's it my turn?

[SDFoundGirl]

Yes, yes folks, I think I am the alien now. I see my husband trying, and it's just not working for me. Of course, I DO speak DB, so I'm at least aware of how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it, so I don't think there's any danger of me becoming a WAS. In a way I kind of like it in that I've got a little window into how he might have been thinking and feeling last summer as the alien. It makes it less sinister and a whole lot more human.

H was gone all last week for a conference, and while I missed him (somewhat) and was happy to see him when he got home, I've found it harder to stay in my happy, peaceful zone when he's around. I love being by myself, choosing my activities, not being scrutinized. His energy is all worried/wiggy, he keeps making comments like, "I should be doing more. Are you okay? It's not all about me."

And while I recognize he's doing this because of what I've said in MC and it's a sign that he's trying, it's annoying me. I want him to just do what he thinks he should do instead of this...it's like he wants me to give him permission to NOT do what I asked him for or something. I don't know...I just know it makes me not want to be around him, hence the alien-ness.

I think what SD needs is some time to herself, maybe a couple of weeks in another country to shrug off the ewwwwy energy of the school year and the DB battle and just get centered. H has encouraged this, has always supported me in these types of things. And I don't THINK I'm running away...I think I'm taking time to deal with me.

I want my M to work out, I really do. I just think that nature has a way of balancing things out (I think it's a physics principle that all things want to be in balance because balance expends the least amount of energy), and the pendulum has swung to the other side this summer. SD is struggling with the M, and H has had a wake up call. So long as this leads us back to center, I think it's a good thing.

Just journaling here. My reiki friend commented that I take energy in very easily, which is good for things like reiki. However, it also means I pick up outside energy on a day to day basis pretty easily as well which tends to drag me down. Explains a lot about why I don't like crowds and prefer being out in nature or by myself!

SD