KaneKai Thankyou so much for your insight. I just jumped in this thread today. I've been using the principals of DB'ing for a while now and I am beginning to loose hope. Like you my H had an affair (he doesn't call it that because he was nice enough to leave me before the "friendship" became "intimate")so therefore, he feels he was not doing anything wrong.
Nikki thank you also for putting into words my exact feelings of grief and betrayal.
Mystory goes this way. He left a few months ago. This is the 2nd marriage for both of us. He has 2 boys and I have 2 boys from a previous marriage. My boys' father passed away and they very much count on my H for support - even though he is not legally obligated to them.
He wasn't happy (here is where he waffles) because He is confused and unhappy and it is all him or (depending on when you talk to him) I let him down and I wasn't fun to be around and light and easy to be with and he doesn't need to deal with that when there is the OW who "understands" him. Like I don't after 5 years. He decided that that wasn't the way to go so we spent alot of time talking and I've been to counseling (not him "he doesn't have any problems") and we worked out a schedule for him to return home. This has been good for my 2 boys especially they are 14 and 17 tough ages to start off with and their dad has only been gone 2 years and they were very close to him. So life is better is this respect.
My problem is one of trust. He still works with the OW she is pursuing him hard and plays mind games with him and I'm not sure if he came back for all the right reasons. I'm beginning to think he got scared of what he would loose. Everytime I think I get this figured out and can move on something comes up and I start doubting again and hurting again and begin feeling like this will happen again when he get "restless". So I keep up my guard and that isn't fair to the marriage either.
Anyway there is so much more to say and words are hard to come by but thanks to both of you for your perspectives.
