Anne, could you elaborate on this a little more. Are they saying that if H acts nicer to you, do not change your behavior towards him or he will back off?
Yup!
It's counter-intuitive for me, but part of why H is being more relaxed around me is b/c I am not "right there." If I turn around and start being more talkative, more inquiring, more wanting to talk R - more like I used to always be - H will back off faster than a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat (I found that on Google ). In essence, my current behavior is a 180. It's the very fact that I'm nice but distant that has prompted H to let his guard down - or at least that's the theory - and if he can stay there, he will let go of focusing on me as his problem and begin/continue to focus on what might internally or otherwise be his problem.
In the end, though, I need to do this to keep me from being hurt by his words more than anything else; if he is also able to redirect his energies and find some solutions, that's just gravy.
). In essence, my current behavior is a 180. It's the very fact that I'm nice but distant that has prompted H to let his guard down - or at least that's the theory - and if he can stay there, he will let go of focusing on me as his problem and begin/continue to focus on what might internally or otherwise be his problem. 
