Please don't stay away b/c you worry about not reciprocating the support or that you will be a burden. I am in a good place right now, and helping you or giving written/verbal support is not at all difficult; and I know that if I'm needing some boosting, you will do for me the same. All that said, I know too how hard it is to keep from obsessing about the separation and R problems when posting or reading this board all the time - so if you find it easier to get through the next bit w/o being here, don't feel you need to change that for me or this thread. I feel that this is a time for you to feel a bit selfish, but please don't stay away b/c you're worried about my feelings.
As for your past couple days: it sounds like things have been in one of those icky spots. My H and I have been there - especially earlier this spring. H needs space, and he saw almost anything I did as a problem. If you haven't read DR lately, consider rereading the Last Resort Technique part a bit. That helped me to remember how much these WASs need to be given distance.
It was due to discussions like the one you had with DH that I finally gave up trying to talk any R with my H. He is - or has been (I don't know and resist asking if anything currently has changed) adamant about getting a D from me. He says that he has no interest at all in staying married to me and that he has no feelings for me beyond general caring one might give to anyone around. Hurt? You better believe me! And that isn't how H was when we were together. My sister, though, pointed out that H is in a place where he can't even begin to consider any other point of view; he needs to reject me right now (and maybe he will stay there). So the best thing has been to just not talk about any future anything. It avoids me being hurt and H being put into a place he feels he needs to defend.
In the past couple weeks, I have noticed H seems more relaxed about talking and allowing his voice and attitude to show interest and friendliness. I'm not pinning much on that - his goal, I know, is to have an amiable D some day; kinda like you see in the movies like "Night at the Museum"! - but it has made me think things have some potential to change.
I have to be careful, though, b/c I can get lulled into thinking we can talk R again, and I KNOW that I will only get burned. Today, for example, the four of us had a really nice lunch out for Father's Day. S1 was getting ready to drive down to his jazz combo camp, though, and was a bit anxious since he has to tryout for a position. H and S1 talked a bit about this next week and it became clear that very likely, H will not hear from S1 until the end of the week - something that wouldn't happen if H were here in the house. I could hear in H's voice and see in his actions that the thought of not seeing or talking to S1 for this week that promises to have so many big things in it for S1 was going to be really painful for H. SO, I am going to need to refrain from my instinctual response and not try to talk or interact with H more to make up for the space S1 is leaving. H won't want to see me, and I'm sure he would only interpret my actions as pursuing - especially if H is feeling as down as he seemed, then he will look to take that out on me if I step in.
Long story there, but I am trying to explore how to change what I do around H so I don't get burned and he continues to have the space he needs now. If I don't do this, if I don't remember that things RIGHT NOW are very different between us, I risk pushing him away farther. I know we might not make it through this ordeal and end up together, but I'm learning how to hold back and not pursue when my gut instinct has always been to try to fix things for others.
JustD - I don't write these things as solutions to your situation, but hopefully you will find some solace in knowing that distancing from DH might be the better move. It's not easy nor painless, but it can help preserve you and give DH what he needs right now.
Again, my sister has pointed out some things about how I have to interact with H, and one is that he is being like a little kid with his emotions -- he's saying and doing things to push me away as he tries out the responses to these new and threatening emotions. Treat DH's comments as you would your sons' comments when they were little and saying things like "I hate you" (that is, if your boys were like mine and said such things). They may or may not mean what they said - they weren't even sure what that meant, I think - but they were testing the responses and maybe using the words to get some emotional space.
I hope that today starts you back up the roller coaster. You are strong enough and smart enough to survive all of this. Believe in yourself, and maybe for a while, just don't consider what tomorrow might bring (or not) for you and DH.
- but it has made me think things have some potential to change. 
