Since one of his issues has been "relationship talks" I would avoid the one-on-one that will make him want to run...also, since you have problems with "questioning to death" if you put it in writing...and ask that he reply via letter or email this will help you avoid doing that...I know because I was a questioner, remember?...when my H and I started communicating through email it was much more controled...when you spring "a talk" on someone who really doesn't like confrontation and relationship talk...well you are going to get responses that 1) you don't want to hear 2) aren't honest or 3) a combination of 1 and 2...
If you do decide to write I would suggest starting out by complimenting and commending on ALL of his improvements...show him you have taken notice...don't worry about pointing out your own he has seen them and is responding...after you have done this and emotionally pumped him up a little you can let some air out, so to speak, by giving him some of the things that are really really eating at you...make sure and use "I" statements so it doesn't sound totally like you are blaming him for all of your feelings...but give him the responsibility of knowing what his actions are doing to you...then let it go and wait...
I also am concerned about where you are placing yourself in all of this though...still revolving around H...even though you have friends, go do things, it still seems that if H wants time with you that you are always available...or will be there soon (I think I read once that you didn't rush home but did come home to find him there)
Also, with these insecurities you are falling back into the snooping and wanting to snoop habits...please be careful of this...he feels your neediness whether you display it in form or not...sometimes being our "firty sexy self" can still send this message to them that we are eager for their attention...or worse vying for his attention...
It is improvement that he is spending more time with you but my concern is your reaction to this...be careful with yourself...don't allow yourself to become totally tied up in him emotionally...because you are the one that suffers for it as he obviously isn't so emotionally tied in either you or OW which allows him to live his double life with ease...
