18 mos and counting...

[MonicaP]

I think the courts may have already filed my LS paperwork. It was pending a fee waiver hearing which I did on the 6th and today I got my paperwork back marked "filed." I thought they were going to just send me a letter stating that I could come and file! They've assigned a date (Tuesday) for a parent hearing or something obviously related to the child custody part of it and it's an order for both of us to appear. The thing is, I haven't even served the papers yet. I am so confused and I have to wait until Monday to get an answer.

I am just so scared to do this. I guess I've been comfortable with the illusion that as long as no one has filed we still have a chance at reconciliation. Now I feel like I've put a nail on our coffin.

Does anyone out there have some advice or knowledge about this?

Tomorrow H will be with S4.5 for Father's Day. I hope the Ow won't be with them but I wouldn't be surprised if she was. I have been pretty sad lately about missing all of these family events together, it's so hard.

Last night H called to talk to S and we were out on the deck eating ice-cream cones. S wouldn't get on the phone. I thought to myself - look at what H is missing! He should be here damn it.

How will I ever be at peace with this???