Stillme's Chapters Continue Some More

[stillme]

Hmm, tricky question - & at least not one that has a def. yes or no answer. Let me put it this way:

Short answer: No. I believe S was the only avenue H would have to look realistically at our sitch/M/R - to see Life as it would be post-D, to consider if that Life was Worth It [all the Stuff that "It" encompasses regarding a D]. He had made the comment twice (in about 2 mo. time) to the effect that a S was the only thing he could think of that MIGHT help us at that point. How - WHY - would I even THINK to deny him or control what he did?! S was what H had decided he needed/wanted for his life. Furthermore, he had most likely started looking forward to it in his mind as "Oh, THEN I'll be happy..."

And, oh, before I forget, I didn't "ask" H to move out; I TOLD him to. I DO regret that TELLING (control).

What I wish hadn't happened is that (Did you read my sitch back in Feb./March?) I had had a DBCoaching session in March & explained that, while H was still (tho casually & matter-of-factly) talking about D-stuff (Was I gonna date older or younger guys? Asking me to think about what I wanted [furniture/household stuff] etc) he was - at the same time! - FINALLY fulfilling my QT (Quality Time) LL (Love Language) (Did you read the 5LL yet?) I was SO confused but was still, then, LISTENING to him more than watching for his actions/inactions. (Believe NOTHING they say & only Half they do) &, if I'd have reciprocated HIS LL at that time (PA) it MIGHT have had a VERY positive effect. As it was, we followed the classic path and, when we started arguing (often & around the kids) about the financial/control/job issues, our R deteriorated rapidly and that's when/why I TOLD HIM to move out. I don't see that we could have or woudl have resolved those financial/control/job issues even if he'd continued to live in the houes (short of me doing all & whatever he wanted - which I still do not believe to be in either MY best interest or that of my children). He had (shortly before the financial fighting) re-started sleeping on the couch, and I really believe he was at a Pushing-Away stage that nothing I did would have changed, and probably his focused anger on the financial/job issues was as much to reinforce his leaving me/M than anything else.

So, not a simple answer; and certainly not one that translates into anyone else's sitch very well. We each have to do what we think is best - to S or not - w/the circumstances, issues & people who are involved. My best advice would be to ask a DB Coach if you are unsure. The $ is not insubstantial, but I consider it more of the "anything" I am willing to do to try my best to save my R/M w/my H.