Stillme's Chapters Continue Some More

[stillme]

So, 16 days to kill a thread, huh? That's gotta be some kind of record. Here's the next installment of my sitch, a link to the prior one(Stillme's Chapters Continue): http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1070715&page=2&nt=8&fpart=1

and a repeat of the BRIEF Recap:

IDLY Bomb: end/Oct.'06
D Bomb: end/Nov.'06
H was to move out Jan.07, but Dbing begun 1/5/07 &
H stayed in home (as friendly roommate w/occasional benefits).
In mid-March '07, b/c of disagreement/control issues re: my getting a FT legal sec'y job (H's want) vs. (my pref) pursuing Pilates instructor career, I told H he needed to move out & he left that wkend (moving into an apt across the street).
Since that time, H has been consistently angry & ugly, or avoids/ignores me (with a FEW minor breaks for 'nice' interactions).
H's anger is financially-based.
To date No D Papers have been filed

**************************************************************

Still Dim, and doing well w/it for the most part, tho it is scary. Had the thought this eve that this (non-interaction) might make it easy for H to fully w/draw from me/M & (finally!) take whatever steps he's been preparing for these past 6 mo. but hadn't been ready (for whatever reason) to implment. Quickly Stop-Signed the thought, tho, reminded myself he can & will do whatever he wants, and remembered some journaling & stuff.

Thanks, all, for following my sitch and the advice & support you've given (priceless!) and welcome to anyone new.

Last night we had a funeral for Ruby. D found her quite dead in her box and became inconsolable. Who knew she was so attached to a hermit crab?! I'm sure there were alot of other reasons she was so upset, sobbng that it was "all her fault", and she should have played w/it more before she didn't have the chance any more, and that maybe she's not responsible enough to hve a pet. My poor baby. I sat w/her on my lap for a while, drying her tears and letting her cry (and NOT saying the "It was only a crab, J." that was my initial thought), and then we buried Ruby in the dirt off the bck patio, marked her grave w/the colored seashells from her box, and D said a sweet prayer asking God to take care of Ruby for her now.

This morning I went to the jiu jitsu tournament at S's (& H's) studio at 9am. H called at 8:30 saying he had run out of space on the camcorder dvd - the one I gave him maybe 10 days ago - and would I bring another. He met me at the doorway of the studio & that's the only interaction I had w/him for 2+hrs. S sparred really very well. He's getting more aggressive w/it - Probably a combo of his age, experience, enjoyment w/it overall, but def. competition-fueled as well, and maybe a bit of the sitch thrown in, too. I chatted w/alot of the moms(a/o friends) as well as the (new & chatty) dad. At one point I was heading to the restroom & had to walk the narrow space between the mat (where sparring was going on) & people sitting on the floor against the wall. Just as I made a teasing comment to a dad/friend & stepping over his legs [Oh, and he was sitting 2 people down from H] & I looking back over my shoulder at him (dad/friend) the next guy moved his feet & I stepped on his toes - threw me off balance & he caught me w/2 hands at my waist (this is the guy on the other side of H) & I realized that the 2 mat-combatants had suddenly rolled to exactly where I was (That ws why guy moved his feet). They were in danger of rolling off the mat, and the ref [NJ cop friend/instructor] was trying to block their roll & stay out of their way - and we were all in the same small square of space at the same time. It only took seconds, but - gee - what weird timing. The guy who had held my waist (I don't know his name, but I know he & H are jj buddies) lifted his 2 hands away palms up & said some thing funny (can't remember what!) & action resumed. LoL. I didn't look at H once during the whole thing.

Both D & S had new gifts from H & happily showed them off to me. D has a (her 2nd!) Juicy Couture purse (and for those not in on trendy women's fashions, let me just say I don't own - and cannot justify - a Juicy purse!) and S has a Nintendo DX or DS or whatever. (These both from the same H who told me that washing my own damm dishes would help him not stress about our financial sitch. ) When S showed me how the thing worked - Okay, I don't enjoy these type things myself and am totally ignorant about them [and happy to remain so] generally, but when he showed me the Chat Room capabilities & couldn't give me an answer I understood about who exactly he could/would be chatting w/, I walked all the way across the room to ask my friend (her S had been trying to answer my ques. as well, but not being very clear either) - even tho H was standing not 6 ft away w/some other guys watching a match. After I got an answer from friend & her H & rejoined S, chatty-dad tells me "I just asked your hubby, and he said...". Doesn't mean much, and I probably just wasted a bunch of time & energy typing this, but it went along w/my being Dim and not going to H to initiate convo, w/the added bonus of H realizing as well that I didn't go to him w/my question.

Stayed at tournament until noon. (H sparred, tho purposely didn't move from my chair & couldn't see him.) Soon before he left, H made a few casual comments to me about the kids (don't remember what now), asked if I had "major plans" for this eve as he would probbly have to go in to work for a little while (asking w/o actually ASKING if I was avail. to watch the kids) & I said that I could take the kids w/me if I ended up going out, told the kids to "Go kiss your mama" just b/f he left w/them & that was that.

I went out w/friend [+ her friend as well] & had a great lunch, lots of talk (only some about my sitch), laughing, fun & plans to do it often. Afterwards I went to the mall & spent alot of time trying to find a sundress for the party tomorrow. Shopped & talked on my cell w/friend back in TX most of the time. At home I heated leftovers for supper, did some (Pilates) computer work & then got a call from H asking if he could bring the kids by for a few hrs. They were here from 7:00 to just after 9pm, and I FELL ASLEEP for an HOUR holding D as they watched Disney Channel! Woke up w/i the min. b/f H knocked on the door to take them back. Don't even remember what he said, but it wasn't rude or ugly: Oh, except when D was testing/fussing & saying "I don't want to go. I want to stay here." & holding/burying her face in my lap, H said (teasingly & probably not meant ugly) "You just don't want to leave your t.v. show." I just told her "Give me a kiss & find your shoes." told her I'd call ehr tomorrow (She had told me that H wasn't "letting" them go to church w/me b/c it was F'Day) &, as she did, H was saying how he might have to work some eve Mon/Tues ("his" nights) - intimating that he may need me to watch the kids again - again w/o actually using a question mark. I just said "okay" & let it go. (That's when I had the scary-thought about DIM making it easy for H to walk to The End now.)

After church in the morning, I'm going to friend A's afternoon dinner party (lots of her family plus misc friends).

And that's my day.
So, basically, status quo some more - which is surely better than the Ugly that was 2 wks ago.