Thanks for the post sweetie and yeah I dunno what the deal is either she is probably just some crazy *W*... and then he made the light go on today and I talked to him @ it. I do tend to post all my raw emotions on here just posting all my feelings to let it all out and not blow up at him !!!!!! and mostly for my sanity,, I have learned so much here from all you beautiful people~~
He said to me today "hey I went for Sushi yesterday " and I said "Are you serious honey ???" "YOU were talking to me and I helped you order and you called me twice " ~ THIS IS SCARY~ he was apparently partly blacked out? Then he said "Oh yeah I kinda do remember talking to you..." I doubt it he just does not want me to worry..... So I gather he has been blacking out some and that is no good. I have talked to him w/o saying anything about the "GIRL"... and he just listens!!!!! Also when he called in the afternoon.... he was in a great mood and I said ~wow~ you sure were wound up tight before and he agreed and apologized. He needs help and I hope he will agree to stop drinking soon. He has tried before and it never lasts... but it has become a real problem. and the last time he called I asid " be good and he said I will I have no cash and I said I do not mean beer and besides you are already drinking.... I mean respect me that is all I ask for just.. you know what I mean..... be good and remember I am here and you are there and watch out for the *W*'s he said ok honey..... did not come out too elegant
.... but I will continue to talk to him about these issues w/o adressing the girl calling. When I allow myself to fall down when he hurts me I just come back stronger and he better watch out cause now I am not gonna take more sh*t....
I will not crumble and this has been a slap in the face so to speak but I will be ok. If he cant deal with me being more vocal and assertive .. oh well. I cant pretend it did not happen and at the same time I will once again not throw away everything I worked so hard for over some * W * and his stupidity while "wasted .
SORRY I am babbling and babbling it just shouldnt have to be this hard .... I am an amazing Woman... and I need to keep being so and show him that he may be lost but I know exactly where I am going. I am just afraid that one day it will all just go away and my love will die..... I was married before to my high school sweetheart for 9.5 years and he let me down so much I could write a novel and when I met my H one year after my D back then I told him I loved him too.. I fell in love head over heels but did not want to get Married ever again cause the pain Divorce cause if it were to happen again is immense. And after trying and trying and trying some more the love I felt for him (XH) just died.
...and although the love I have for my H is great and so much more beautiful. A love I never felt before in my life...... I am only human so yes thank you the decision is ultimately mine ,, I am sure I will stay, I will stand but I feel a tinge of I want to be a B*TCH for awhile and not in a ugly way but just in a way that shows him I will not take anymore sh*t like his little outburst this am that it was somehow my fault he was lost or the Homeowner was waiting.
WOW can I ramble~ feel much better Cadesmom thanks for taking time to post I do so appreciate it. God bless... PS cant wait til COG comes back cause he sees thru my false bravado of strength at times and tells me like it is! Thank God for you all....
