UNBELIEVABLE~

[Delil@h]

Jen Jam I missed your post some how til now and you know what it sounds fantastic..... I am empowered and I will not wither this time!
He just called about the directions again and tried to yell at me cause he was lost and the "guy" is waiting for him. NORMALLY I absorb his yelling and take it.... NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He told me yesterday at 5 pm he needed me to look up these directions. And so I did and then I called him several times last nite. He called me at 1:30 am proceeded to stay up until 3:30 am and when I called at 4:55 my time he did not answer it was 5:55 his time. I called again at 5:55 and no answer then he calls back and says hes tired can i call him in 20?
So anyway when I finally spoke to him at 8 he was sweet as pie and I told him this is not like you and he said well they cant boss me around and I can get there when I want,,, I said oh ok well I am not saying they can boss you just that you are more resposible than this and this has gotten way out of hand.
And so when he is essence is blaming me ( like always) and it was too much AND I TOLD HIM THIS.... he has hurt me far too long and blames me for his sh*t far too long ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Oh so this is my fault? Ok honey I accept the blame for this and cause the guy is waiting. Didnt you tell me when I mentioned this isnt like you that they acn wait and now it is my fault b/c you are running late?
OK.... so when I called you at 5,6 and 8 to wake you and last nite too and you did not want to talk about the directions and last nite you werent available that is my fault? and when you stayed up til 3 am and now you are tired full well knowing you had to work and so thats my fault too? OK ( but with a calm tone that he clearly knows I am not acepting this) thats fine.
I called you last nite to talk about this and you were unavailable now it is my fault very well, I will let you go."

So for me that is 180 extreme I never speak my mind when he acts like a spoiled brat!
God bless...

[Delil@h]

as the minutes wear on I am feeling scared..will my anger wear off,, will I be able to move forward with him? Can I just assume that I assuming too much.... I dunno what to think!!!!!!!! As strong as I feel right now in that I am not to blame I am so upset and angry and need to stop but cant. I am tired of being laughed at after loving so much.
GOD bless....

[Delil@h]

Jen Jam... I loved your advice but I wonder how could I be wrong please enlighten me .. I want to be wrong. Cause my female radar is not going off and everytime in the past it has...
Help please...
God bless...

[Flicka]

Alimari,

What I know is that your husband's infidelity is tied to his alcoholic self. Just stop struggling with whatever drunk girlfriend is getting frantic. Laugh at her. Keep your own good plans visible and going forward.

Reconsider how you react.

I have done. I need to not drink myself, in order to keep a good view of the big picture. Maybe you are the same.

I am trying hard not to turn into a pouty drunk while waiting for my husband to come home! He comes near, but runs away...
I still adore him.
Love,
Flicka

[Delil@h]

You know what you have a very valid point,,,, he does have a real problem drinking but I guess that scares me even more that he cannot control himself while drinking. So what goes on and on is his guilt and he medicates it and starts over again everyday. And I think my cup was brimming with all his cheating and now it is overflowing. And yes I will most likely stand for my M and yes I love him dearly but he is taking me down with him, and what makes me angrier is he lives with his crew and had mentioned there are girls there but that he respects me and so I do not like that he knows I am ok with it cause I trust him and then he laughs at me.


I do so appreciate everyones input and you all have made me calmer as crazed as I still sound,,, I guess you all are making me see that to take it easy and maybe my view is skewed cause I love him..... this is hard and yet all it has done is made me realize time to take the next step and get tougher and if he cant deql with it then he will have to figure tht out for himself. No I ont throw this away over some *W* but I dunno if I can do this year in and year out like this.....
My emotions are so back and forth and yet I am ok, crying but ok.
God bless....

[Delil@h]

Just stop struggling with whatever drunk girlfriend is getting frantic. Laugh at her. Keep your own good plans visible and going forward.

thank you~ I was laughing at her and then I got angry. I have to be a LADY 24/7 and while I enjoy it I can never let my hair down or he is TOTALLY embarassed,,,, so why does he enjoy the company of *W*'s????????????????? It does hurt..... it really does! NOT cause he is an idiot when he is drunk apparently but b/c he projects onto me a lot~ Those girls are no good.. from what I know they do DR*GS TOO ( he himself told me ) .... this has gotten so out of hand. And all day when he calls he has been grouchy and when I say I dunno why you are getting like this he gets quiet and says I will let you go?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
God bless.....

[RedHeadWife]

Well, I think maybe your doubts and your feelings of insecurity may be seeping through in your tone while talking to him?? Maybe he's sensing something.

My H is also 'away' from us and I'm having to just trust that he knows he can't cheat again. I won't allow it again.

I think the hardest part is that we are left w/ all the feelings/emotions of being cheated on and having to learn to trust again. Yes, we have forgiven, but getting over the hurt and absolute lack of respect for us on their part is a hard thing to swallow. I go back & forth from just wanting to love him and obviously I've chosen to stay and then at times I'm so angry that he's done what he's done.

I don't really know what the deal was w/ that girl calling, but if, for the length of your trip, you had his cell and no one was calling, I don't think I would worry too much.

I think bottom line is that you need to decide what you want. Can you trust him again? Can you live like this? I know you WANT to be with him, but can you get past the doubts & fears, etc.? I'm not really one to be giving this advice, b/c I'm kind of at the same point, but I think it's kind of one way or the other.

It isn't fun, but you need to decide whether you want to rebuild the trust or not.

Also, an idea is that you could, instead of straight up asking asking about the voice mail, you could just talk to him and tell him you are still feeling kind of insecure and can he again reassure you that you guys ARE really working on your R/M, etc. Something along those lines anyway.

[Delil@h]

Thanks for the post sweetie and yeah I dunno what the deal is either she is probably just some crazy *W*... and then he made the light go on today and I talked to him @ it. I do tend to post all my raw emotions on here just posting all my feelings to let it all out and not blow up at him !!!!!! and mostly for my sanity,, I have learned so much here from all you beautiful people~~


He said to me today "hey I went for Sushi yesterday " and I said "Are you serious honey ???" "YOU were talking to me and I helped you order and you called me twice "
~ THIS IS SCARY~ he was apparently partly blacked out? Then he said "Oh yeah I kinda do remember talking to you..."
I doubt it he just does not want me to worry..... So I gather he has been blacking out some and that is no good. I have talked to him w/o saying anything about the "GIRL"... and he just listens!!!!! Also when he called in the afternoon.... he was in a great mood and I said ~wow~ you sure were wound up tight before and he agreed and apologized.
He needs help and I hope he will agree to stop drinking soon. He has tried before and it never lasts... but it has become a real problem. and the last time he called I asid " be good and he said I will I have no cash and I said I do not mean beer and besides you are already drinking.... I mean respect me that is all I ask for just.. you know what I mean..... be good and remember I am here and you are there and watch out for the *W*'s he said ok honey.....
did not come out too elegant

.... but I will continue to talk to him about these issues w/o adressing the girl calling. When I allow myself to fall down when he hurts me I just come back stronger and he better watch out cause now I am not gonna take more sh*t....

I will not crumble and this has been a slap in the face so to speak but I will be ok. If he cant deal with me being more vocal and assertive .. oh well. I cant pretend it did not happen and at the same time I will once again not throw away everything I worked so hard for over some * W * and his stupidity while "wasted .

SORRY I am babbling and babbling it just shouldnt have to be this hard ....
I am an amazing Woman... and I need to keep being so and show him that he may be lost but I know exactly where I am going. I am just afraid that one day it will all just go away and my love will die..... I was married before to my high school sweetheart for 9.5 years and he let me down so much I could write a novel and when I met my H one year after my D back then I told him I loved him too.. I fell in love head over heels but did not want to get Married ever again cause the pain Divorce cause if it were to happen again is immense. And after trying and trying and trying some more the love I felt for him (XH) just died.

...and although the love I have for my H is great and so much more beautiful. A love I never felt before in my life...... I am only human so yes thank you the decision is ultimately mine ,, I am sure I will stay, I will stand but I feel a tinge of I want to be a B*TCH for awhile and not in a ugly way but just in a way that shows him I will not take anymore sh*t like his little outburst this am that it was somehow my fault he was lost or the Homeowner was waiting.

WOW can I ramble~ feel much better Cadesmom thanks for taking time to post I do so appreciate it.
God bless...
PS cant wait til COG comes back cause he sees thru my false bravado of strength at times and tells me like it is!
Thank God for you all....

[Delil@h]

WELL it has felt good to rant and rave and blow up on here and as embarassing as it is it is my life.
Thoughts to my H ~
I was/am evrything a good Woman is,,, I held on last year thru my misery and I never let you down. when I found out @ her I ladylike thru my pain said be happy with her , I hope one day you can say I am very Happy then I wil be so happy for you. You never really have loved yourself and b/c I love you , in the past you have dragged me down with you. THIS time for some reason I am sad and crying some and have a pit in my stomache but I will go on. I feel like you are hurting me so and yet I love you still.

I always wondered last year thru my agony how I kept loving you. It wasnt b/c I wanted something I could not have it was b/c you mean the world to me and I would like to grow old with you and have a beautiful life, not a perfect one just a good one. I am not asking for Jewelry and all the things you buy to "show " your love .

I am asking for you and all of you no holds barred and you seemed to start to give me this gift and now you are back at it. You do not see the beauty you have and keep hurting yourself thinking it will never hurt me. Sure I should not have checked your VM , I do not really know why I did it.... just last week you told me to check it cause you needed me to write down what your boss said. Privacy yes that is a big one and yes I violated yours but you violate me when you say ILY and ILY again and you do but you do not love yourself and you continue to violate me in the process. If you share your body with someone how sacred does that make our lovemaking? Maybe you only flirted maybe she is just a crazy bitch but how and why is she calling you and why did you not tell her to stop... I thought you were becoming a real Man and standing up for what was right. I felt so free and so happy with you and I felt like I could FINALLY let my guard down and you always do this it is nothing new.... when things are awesome you act a fool. What possesed me to check our VM,,, a little birdie in my head,, somethings up ALI? I always wondered if GOD wanted me to fight harder for you or just open my eyes and give up.... How long will it take you to be a MAN?

Can I wait that long,,, you always say you never wanted to hurt me but you do.... time and time again. Last time I looked I am HUMAN and my spirit as strong as it is now can only take so much. I have always had to be my best and I failed you when I got so depressed and you needed me and now I am here and standing right in front of you with my heart in my hand and it seems to make no difference to you,, SHE'LL ALWAYS LOVE ME.....

I really dont know for sure what went on I only know you have been a little off lately and you have been drinking too much and I thought you were on your way. Why do you keep lying to yourself? I cant say if I will hold on forever,, I can love you and not love what you do.... how can you be so insensitive and heartless? I will never get the answer to this I am sure. You justifed the OW saying it was all my fault I let you down and I wasnt who you needed. I wont take the blame for this one and yet it still stings.
God help you cause I love you but you will not take my hand and help yourself... one day GOD forbid when all is lost you will know what I did and how much I adored you. YOUR drinking needs to stop and all the other stuff that goes with it before it is too late.
Please help him GOD... my motto last year was LOVE ME THE MOST WHEN I DESERVE IT THE LEAST..... I will keep on but when will this change?
Forgive me God for waivering in my strength for you will help me thru this .... I know you will. I am down on my knees and my love wont stop for this Man... It never waivers and that which does not kill me will only amke me stronger.I am strong and I will keep love in my heart and keep living as you would have me but this is a slap in my face and I dunno why......
God bless....

[RedHeadWife]

I know exactly where you're at. I chose to fight for my M when H dropped the bomb in January. We have 3 little boys. The things H said and did still make me sick to my stomach so I try not to *dwell*.

I have chosen to stay and I am beginning to be the very strong-willed woman he married. That woman was lost for a time.

At times, though, I kind of look at my H's latest pics before he left for his deployment and wonder "who are you?" I don't see him the same way and sometimes I wonder if I love him the same way, but I've chosen to just go from here and "see" him and "love" him in the new way or learn to love & see him in the new way whatever way that may be.

I'm going to visit him in late August w/o the boys. I'm hoping it will be a new beginning for us. We were really only "good" for about a month before he left. I think the time alone, almost like another honeymoon, will be really good for us.