Hi Tam - looks like things are going well for you. Excellent progress.

The difference between a letter and a conversation is that he can chose when to read a letter and when to reply - but in a conversation he might not have the time or the capacity to answer you honestly.

In the past when you've had these conversations he's claimed that you 'out-talk' him. So, I guess if you do it in a talk, be mindful of that old behaviour. In the past he has said what he thinks you want to hear, then his actions fail to back it up.

Also think about what you want out of the conversation - what are your objectives for the meeting?

You say that you aren't going to demand that he stop all contact with OW immediately - so what sort of response from him will satisfy you?

Quote:
but I need to know where he stands and what his thoughts are.
about what? In a conversation he is likely to tell you that he hasn't given up on your relationship and he wants to go forward with the business - you know that, because that's what he said when he was much further away from you than he is now. So is that going to be enough for you?

I totally understand why you want to have the conversation - lord knows I would too - but really ask yourself if it's going to take you closer to your goal or away from it.

These 'talks' are one of the things that got you into this mess to start with - and since you've stopped them there has been real progress towards reconciliation. Ask yourself why writing a letter won't satisfy you - if nothing else I think writing a letter might be a good discipline on you for you to really clarify what it is you are seeking from him. It may also be an unconfrontational way for you to make your case firmly and sincerely to him about what you are going through and why you are don't want to live like this forever.

I really think in a conversation you will get his reassurance - but reassurance without action (or a commitment to action) isn't worth much.

It's really hard. I wish you weren't going through this. If you have the convo, just remember to keep it together and use your new skills to listen rather than lecture. If you write a letter, give yourself plenty of time to figure out what you want from him and then write it down plain and simple.

Good luck. You are doing an amazing job. Well done.

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.