Just cleaned out some writings that I wrote a year or two ago. Life has gotten so very much better. Time has been the great healer for us. Time is what it has taken to get the rest of what was needed to get life back on track after an affair. Time has been what it has taken to learn acceptance; positive, realistic thinking; commitment to myself and our marriage...OK, and maybe an antidepressant or two but I still believe the key ingredient has been time and lots of it. It's been 3 1/2 years since I discovered the affair. To be honest once in a while I am amazed at how much it still hurts but much more often these days, I am amazed at how far we've come, how well we are treating each other and I am so thankful that we kept going even when we had no idea how we would get out of the mess we'd gotten into. More and more days I can honestly say that we are living proof that gleaning wisdom from however it comes your way, patience, persistence, and love can lead to a very happy life together even after an affair. We are pretty peaced...Yahoo for us! Wish you all the very best.
2L, so great to hear something encouraging...but I am sorry I don't know your story or where you had posted...can you fill me in...I so much would like to hear it. Thanks Sue
I used to come around here quite a bit and was feeling so content yesterday, I just had to share. There are a number of entries under 2Learn but most of what I've written here was written under the name alottolearn. Here is a link to a summary of what we've been through our story We are headed out of town tomorrow for two weeks for some wonderful family time so I won't be checking the site but I hope the link will be helpful!
Thumbs up 2L!!! And I hope you have a wonderful time on your time away! Yes there are successful outcomes. One day at a time. God bless you and your family!
Wow, 2L..read your story..you and your h have been to h*** and back..you have both endured so much, and yet you were able to overcome it..was it hard...sure sounds like it..but worth it..no doubt..I too have learned the patience thing..when all I want to do is call h and beg him to just come home and lets go from there..boy do i know that would not be a wise thing to do..and I have had a fear the past 3months that him leaving he would forget em, forget the m, well little things have been happening..he called me to come over for pizza last week...a MAJOR breahthrough for him..so I will continue to wait..Thanks again for you encouragement..everyone needs that every once and awhile Sue
First, I must tell you all that though I’ve often been fortunate in my life to benefit “from the kindness of strangers”, I’ve never been treated so unfailingly kindly and touched so deeply by any, unknown-in-person folks, as you all. And yet our bond of dealing with the most sensitive parts of our hearts has knit us closer together than many people ever experience in friendships. I have been very, very fortunate to have experienced what is now profound healing within myself and with my husband and I want to tell you that it has been this group of people and those from the marriage builders site that started this healing. Because YOU restored my faith in the human spirit’s ability to connect with goodness when the way seems impossible. I will always be grateful to those who poured out their hearts and love in search of healing for themselves and others.
I want to tell you, especially those of you who are still in the pain that I remember so well, a story of how this happened in my life and to remind you that so often healing occurs in ways that are unimaginable. My husband gave his mistress the name “rainbow” and I thought I would never have rainbows in my life again. I was grateful that the lullaby I most often sang my granddaughter was preserved with new and painful meaning: Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Well, we’ve just gotten back from a wonderful and very meaningful (too long and a different story to tell) vacation with our daughter and her family and I saw something I had never imagined could happen. We were all together by some beautiful green mountains and at the feet of the mountains, completely filling the entire valley (ah, what a pondering this has stirred in me) in huge bands, with no arch, was the most vibrant rainbow I’ve ever seen. Actually, since it had no bow I’d say it was one of those things that we ought to have named in our language but haven’t! However, the moment I saw it, it seemed to me like the last bit of color and life from that woman’s ghost that has so long tormented me was drained (she has been long dead and gone for my H). Just like a baby will never be the same after taking a first step, after seeing that phenomenon, I was changed. Now, I’m sure that the analogy holds true that just like that baby I will fall down many times while learning this phase of walking through this life but what I thought could never happen, happened and that is, in my mind, the best miracle, a miracle of the spirit that frees a soul…. Perhaps this is expressed a bit over the top but what can I say, it does represent how I feel and I think you all will understand! Awesome, wonderful, unexpected gifts can come in this life folks, even though you can’t imagine how.
Two other realizations were important to me: that whether or not my husband and I had become reconciled, my rainbows would have somehow been restored, that this happened solely within me. The other was that I didn’t seek the rainbow, in good time it came to me.
While I wish no one’s rainbow was ever taken away, I’m confident we will all find them again someday.
2L-you write such great things..I too, have found a unique connection with all the people here..neveer have talked or met any, yet there is a bond that no one else will ever experience, as you said, with even the closest of friends..they continue to give us hope, peace, even the hard truth that we may not want to face.. Your journey is just beginning..just at another level then ours..it sounds like it is a beautiful one at that. Sue
but I still believe the key ingredient has been time and lots of it. It's been 3 1/2 years since I discovered the affair. To be honest once in a while I am amazed at how much it still hurts but much more often these days, I am amazed at how far we've come, how well we are treating each other and I am so thankful that we kept going even when we had no idea how we would get out of the mess we'd gotten into. More and more days I can honestly say that we are living proof that gleaning wisdom from however it comes your way, patience, persistence, and love can lead to a very happy life together even after an affair. We are pretty peaced...Yahoo for us! Wish you all the very best.
