Well I am still doing ok but I snooped and my H has messages on his phone from two different women. I am angry and in shock I guess cause I havent cried.... I dunno what to do. I feel like an idiot. I know I am a good person , thank GOD I am strong but I am just so upset. Anyone? GOD bless...
I cant believe I have to deal with this once again! I dunno what to do! I cant really admit I snooped and I want to say something at the same time. I dunno how he could be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo disrespectful??!! GOD bless...
HE did not answer when I called earlier and she left another message demanding he call her. I cannot sleep and I feel sick to my stomache. I cannot even believe he would stoop so low after everything we have been thru. I am disgusted and angry and I dunno what to do ,, I have a bad feeling he will always be a cheater. I feel so disguted really and he had the nerve to say ILY so many times to me today! I guess he has no respect for himself and I dunno if I HAVE IT IN ME TO DB this!!!!when does it end and I get to just live a normal life? I was just with him and now this? HOW CAN HE BE SO HEARTLESS?????? GOD BLESS...
Well @12:30 am MY H called me. He called and said... "Hi sweetie you called." like he was sweet as pie he was talking to me !!!!!!!!!!!!GUILT? And my heart started racing... I played the great Hoolywood actress and did not say a word. IT was hard though and if he thinks he is a good actor well I have him beat. He proceeds to call me sweeite numerous times I lost track and sing to me and talk sweet to me... more GUILT???????????????????
I was naive enough to think last nite that the messages may have been for one of his crew meembers .... they frequently use his phone. Then she xxxx xxxx my a** call me. If it was not for him why would she say his name? I dunno could be for him and it could be for one of them these "W****ES: are scandoulous. I dunno what to think,, and I had a nitemare that clearly states to my that my subconscious is telling me I am a fool. I am sure I sound nuts but I do think my dreams tell me things. So I am once again a fool. Last nite he told me he fell asleep and that one I do know is true cause one of the guys who works for him answered and this guy reads the Bible everyday.. he would not lie to me. And he saw I CALLED. Told me he loved me .... THANKS! and then suddenly we are talking and he says in an angry voice sort of "HEY can I let you go? ? I will call you in a little while..." I had heard people outside and this is at 1:30 am his time so not good at all.
This morning he is neing as sweet as sugar and I still want to choke him.... I did not mention the *W*, but he told me to call him bright and early so I call 4:55 am my time 5:55 am his time and he does not answer.. I called again and just a bit ago @ 8: his yime he is ready to be awake???????????? I did say this,, YOU NEED TO COME HOME! You are not doing wel there and this is enough.. no arguements ...
OOOOOOOOOOH I just want to scream,,, I do not feel to blame this time and the freedom I feel is good. I finally fell asleep at 2 am but could not cry. I dunno where to go from here and I know he will want to be intamite with me and now this will be on my mind............. STD'S????? GOD PLEASE HELP ME. I feel so frustrated and I dunno what to do. I posted in the Infedelity forum and slowly told me maybe he has addiction problem. I feel like I want to walk away and never look back and yet I still love him. I dunno how he can be so cruel. I feel strong still thank God for that but I do want to know and let him know enough is enough. This is so sad, I am finally crying! He just called and I stopped crying and the sadness was still in my voice and he said " oh Ill just let you go you sound tired sweetie." PLEASE! And he asked ( SWEETLY AGAIN ) "so you want me to come home?" I got on my soap box..... told him he was not doing wel there and I wasnt trying to boss hom just that I have a bad feeling in my heart and you are not doing well over there and it needs to stop .. you ned to figure it out and yes head home. I amnot ttrying to be bossy and tell you what to do but this is too much and you are doing no good there and that is how I feel and you need to come home. I know you are an adult but you need to know that this is not ok,, you are in a bad place and so on ans so forth and he just sat and listened. I imagine that he was super drunk whenhe spoke to her < no excuse and he regrets it now....... wow must be hard to live with himself. He needs help and I cannot cure him... how very sad this is. I am a fabulous Woman and I do not need this so he either gets better or this will end. I can feel it in me that I am way toooooooooooooooooo strong and love me to much to deal with this crap anymore. If he cannot find his way out of the gutter and be a MAN... he will have to live alone and very miserable w/o a REAL WOMAN like me by his side. Plain and simple this place and you all and my own blood sweat and tears have brought me to far to go back into the dark!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I refuse! The person who I am to him deserves far better than this!!!!! GOD BLESS...
I cant focus on anything but This and I hate it. MY good friend says confront him and I cannot,, others here have told me to stay calm and maybe I am just assuming too much. I feel ok and strong but like an idiot and if I hadnt checked the VM... IGNORANCE IS BLISS>>>>>>>> yuck! Anyone? GOD BLESS.....
WELL it has felt good to rant and rave and blow up on here and as embarassing as it is it is my life.
I was/am evrything a good Woman is,,, I held on last year thru my misery and I never let you down. when I found out @ her I ladylike thru my pain said be happy with her , I hope one day you can say I am very Happy then I wil be so happy for you. You never really have loved yourself and b/c I love you , in the past you have dragged me down with you. THIS time for some reason I am sad and crying some and have a pit in my stomache but I will go on. I feel like you are hurting me so and yet I love you still. I always wondered last year thru my agony how i kept loving you. It wasnt b/c I wanted something I could not have it was b/c you mean the world to me and I would like to grow old with you and have a beautiful life, not a perfect one just a good one. I am not asking for Jewlry and al the htings you buy to "show " your love I am asking for you and all of you no holds barred and you seemed to start to give me this gift and now you are back at it. You do not see the beauty you have and keep hurting yourself thinking it will never hurt me. Sure I should not have checked your VM , I do not really know why I did it.... just last week you told me to check it cause you needed me to write down what your boss said. Privacy yes that is a big one and yes I violated yours but you violate me when you say ILY and ILY again and you do but you do not love yourself and you continue to violate me in the process. If you share your body with someone how sacred does that make our lovemaking? Maybe you only flirted maybe she is just a crazy bitch but how and why is she calling you and why did you not tell her to stop... I thought you were becoming a real Man and standing up for what was right. I felt so free and so happy with you and I felt like I could FINALLY let my guard down and you always do thuis it is nithing new.... when things are awesome you act a fool. What possesed me to check our VM,,, a little birdie in my head,, somethings up ALI? I always wondered if GOD wanted me to fight harder for you or just open my eyes and give up.... How long will it take you to be a MAN? Can I wait that long,,, you always say you never wanted to hurt me but you do.... time and time again. last time I looked I am HUMAN and my spirit as strong as it is now can only take so much. I have always had to be my best and I failed you when I got so depressed and you needed me and now I am here and standing right in front of you with my heart in my hand and it seems to make no difference to you,, SHE'LL ALWAYS LOVE ME.....
I really dont kno wfor sure what went on I only know you have been a little off lately and you have been drinking to much and I thought you were on your way. Why do you keep lying to yourself? I cant say if I will hold on forever,, I can love you and not love what you do.... how can you be so insensitive and heartless? I will never get the answer to this I am sure. You justifed the OW saying it was all my fault I let you down and I wasnt who you needed. I wont take the blame for this one and yet it still stings. God help you cause I love you but you will not take my hand and help yourself... one day GOD forbid when all is lost you will know what I did and how much I adored you. YOUR drinking needs to stop and all the other stuff that goes with it before it is too late. Please help him GOD... my motto last year was LOVE ME THE MOST WHEN I DESERVE IT THE LEAST..... I will keep on but when will this change? Forgive me God for waivering in my strength for you will help me thru this .... I know you will. I am down on my knees and my love wont stop for this Man... It never waivers and that which does not kill me will only amke me stronger.I am strong and I will keep love in my heart and keep living as you would have me but this is a slap in my face and I dunno why...... God bless....
Well it is official my H just called me and I was slepping and he was very angry and asked me I couldnt understand him to call him Private,, and I was saying Tyler.. and he yelled you know what the F I am talking about and I said Oh pirivate? sure I can call you private what it the matter? and before I could fininsh he hung up on me ... so I call him back and he is even angrie ( he thinks I said yeah I have been calling you Private) apparently from what Transpired and then he starts yelling at me saying I sound just like that bitch and I saty what bitch are you talking @ this is crazy your crazy and he tells me you know whet the f I am talking about and dont ever call me again you are just like her..... so he alone confirmed it... help.... I will keep posting for awhile and then I will be done this has helped me get stronger but I have no need to fight for this anymore.. God bless...
Posted to me on the infedelity board,, I have come to realize I need to be in the married to an achoholic board and that is even hard for me to type much less accept to be the truth. This is going to be one hard journey...
Alimari, we are as crazy as they are, if we accept their abuse and then internalize it. Partners of alcholics get dragged through the mud unless they step back and don't react in a hurt way. Those affairs are addictions, you know?
Get some distance on your husband. Be glad he is away. Be polite and cheerful but do not engage in his drunky excitement. They enjoy that as much as the buzz from drinking. The drama of make-up and break-up can get to be part of the 'fun' for them.
Making a decision to stay straight myself {our best times have been cooking happy dinners while drinking like pirates...} and then waiting for my husband to figure it out on his own is difficult for me. It means we will have to re-invent.
You have to cold heartedly put good healthy plans in place of sad waiting and worrying. Gradually, your good feeling will become more of a habit and less forced. Get brave enough to look at things the way they ARE, not how they were or how you think they could be.
Start with deep breathing and counting. That works to interrupt the panicky anger. I have finally understood that the sick, scared moments are temporary and that it is possible to rotate through them without over reacting.
My big goal each day is to not make things worse for myself or for him.
Thanks FLICKA .. you do understand this well. Makes a lot of sense what you are saying..... my DAD actually was and still is an achoholic. I guess I have been avoiding looking at my H in that way.... and then this morning after sleeping on it... I realized he may have meant that I was crazy like my ex GF ( LOOOOOOOOONG STORY, her boyfriend works with my h and she always calls private~) cause he kept insisting I "KNEW" this *B* and I was acting just like her.. and so yeah I do react to much to his drunken state and until he gets bettter I wll have to do something. COG had mentioned to me about some program so even though I am not the drinker I need help to deal w/this.
He just called like nothing and was being sweet and he said he was referring TO XXXXXXX and I said yeah I just figured that out and I said well why did you not just say her name... he said well cause "he " was in the room. NICE HUH? and I said well I could barely understand you and I assumed you meant you had a GF.. YOU called me all angry and you made no sense and you were whispering... this has to stop... He is like OH gees I do NOT have a GF.... just stop thinking like that!
I need to get off the crazy train and stay off it AND I am going to have to develop another strategy to deal with this cause this is more than I can handle and I need to stay calm when he acts like this... IS that good? And I actually am very spritual and do believe in GOD ~ but I never go to church,,, I just live right ~ you are so cute~ thanks for the POST. It really gives me a lot to think about! That is why I post here to get advice and help when MY eyes are closed and I am too close to my sitch and cant see clear. WOW where to begin to deal with this.... he is Happy as a lark and this up and down mood swing is not something I am able to deal w/ now so I guess like DBing until he is well I will have to learn how to cope and keep me sane and safe. STOP REACTING.. yesterday I did blow up at him and it just made it worse and this morning when he called I did say this is too much and you made no sense and b/c he thinks it is ok I never got an apology???????????????
) "so you want me to come home?" I got on my soap box..... told him he was not doing wel there and I wasnt trying to boss hom just that I have a bad feeling in my heart and you are not doing well over there and it needs to stop .. you ned to figure it out and yes head home. I amnot ttrying to be bossy and tell you what to do but this is too much and you are doing no good there and that is how I feel and you need to come home. I know you are an adult but you need to know that this is not ok,, you are in a bad place and so on ans so forth and he just sat and listened. I imagine that he was super drunk whenhe spoke to her < no excuse and he regrets it now....... wow must be hard to live with himself. He needs help and I cannot cure him... how very sad this is.