SOOOO....I had a great time last night. A friend of her's just bought a new condo - so she, my buddy and I all went up to visit her. I remember her friend from HS. She is also very attractive and happens to be recently D'd. So both ladies looked great. We all had a great time, went to a bar, danced a bit and hung out. It was just a very fun, somewhat flirtatous night. Her friend at one point said "It has been a very stressful couple of years for me and I can't remember the last time I had a good belly laugh and I have had several tonight, so thank you guys". I thought that was a very cool compliment.
Very nice to have a fun evening with someone who was taking a genuine interest in ME. I just felt very relaxed, I felt funny, I felt attractive. It has been a long time since someone has made me feel that way. I know it is comparing apples to oranges, so I'm not going to do that. I would love nothing more than to work on my M - but unfortunately I do not have that option. But the alternative that has been handed to me just doesn't seem nearly as scary as it did before.
Thanks guys. Really was fun. Got a text from her this morning wishing me a happy father's day too.
Just interesting that I may have this whole other life waiting for me someday...and boy, I gotta say...it didn't look too shabby last night.
My confidence went up like 100 notches last night. It was nice to be out with two very attractive women...with a lot of younger, attractive guys walking around and have them be genuinly interested in you instead. And have them looking at these other guys with an attitude of "ick, whatever". I don't know...can't explain it well...just feel really good about ME today. Like I still got it. It was so nice to be able to be truly funny and confident about myself. MAN it felt good.
Don't worry, i'm very well aware that we are talking apples and oranges...I know. Just did my self-esteem wonders.
Hey Guys...haven't updated here in a while. Posted this over in newcommers. I know it's huge but if anyone has the time, I'd love some feedback.
Went fishing this morning and got off the water around 8am. Normally on Sunday mornings I come home to the house and W and kids are there..sometimes I'll grab donuts and coffee, etc. Well last night the kids spent their first night at the Ws new place. So I sent her a text and asked if she wanted dunkin donuts. Her response "sure". OK..cool. So I show up and was hanging with the kids, drinking my coffee, etc. I noticed she was a bit upset about something...so I asked and got the usual "nothing". Then I said, I feel like I'm intruding. "well you're here now and the kid want you here so no big deal"...or something like that. Now I actually complained about this on my last thread...but at least I only had to ask her once and she came out with it. In our M...she never would have came out with it at all. But anyway...I was confused on why she would say "sure" if she didn't really want me there. Maybe not to make me feel bad. Anyway, I hung out for a bit but left shortly after.
Later back at the house I approached her and asked if we could talk. Appologized again for intruding. She said it was ok. I told her that I can understand that maybe she would want some alone time in her new place with the kids, etc and that she needs to not be afraid to set her boundaries. Said it wasn't that I was there as much as it was that she was unsure as to what my intentions were. I said I just wanted to hang with the kids...and her too for that matter. Explained that it was what we normally do on a Sunday morning.
So that got into me explaining to her and although this is not really what I want...I am starting to accept it and starting to move on. Explained to her that I finally feel some peace and that I feel like I can finally be myself around her. She says that she just doesn't think she can be really comfortable with me until we're divorced. I thought that was sad but understood.
I explained to her that it's just hard for me because I feel like once I found out what the problem was...I did all I could to fix it...but that it was just too late, too much damage done and that is really hard accept. like I never got my chance. Frustrating. She seemed to get that and just said that she wasn't in a place back then that she could tell me before. Told her that I understood - that I beat her down too much for that.
We then talked a bit about OM. Told her that I wish she could be honest with me about that. She said that she broke it off with him to make sure that it wasn't him that was holding her back. Now i know she's still talking with him....but I get the sense that she's not seeing him much and trying not to lean on him for this. Doesn't really matter i guess.
I told her that although I have my issues with him and don't agree with what he did...if he does make her happy than I hope it works out between them. I do want her to be happy. She said that although he does make her happy that she's not sure that is enough. Not sure I really get that but whatever.
I think that's about it... She said the conversation helped her and I know it helped me too. I feel pretty empty and tired right now. A bit down...but better at the same time. I feel like it is giving me a bit of closure.
I talked to Tyson about it afterwards and he really just wanted to know how I felt afterwards. What did it do for me. And I think that is it, it gives me some peace. I also told her that I want to be here for her if she'll let me. I started to think about this afterwards as to why I want to be there. I think I want to be there for her as a way of making up for the damage I've done. I feel like I hurt her so bad and I wasn't there for her for so long that I want to be that for her now. Not sure if she'll ever really allow that to happen. Maybe after the D she will, we'll see. I guess I just feel like it may help me heal some...to know in some way that maybe I have made up for some of the damage I did. Guess I'm still carrying some guilt huh?
I may try to initiate more conversations like this in the future...if she is ok with it. I do think it helps me.
She scheduled a mediator session for this Thursday. I told her that I hope she can understand that I can't drive this, that she needs to. That it still isn't what I want and that I have to live with myself too. She understood. And I sensed that it is important for her to drive this..part of her taking charge of her life and doing what she feels is right for her.
I know it was a long one so thanks to anyone who took the time to read it.
sometimes we need to let go for ourselves as much as they need too...does that make sense? Maybe you need to drop the rope...to stop trying to get her back or whatever....
I also have a bigger question for you...maybe not one you need to answer but one you might want to think about. I know you have kids together so you need to get along and all but...is this someone you really want as a "friend"? I mean...my friends don't treat me like that. Do you want her as a friend int he hopes that it may turn into something more and if so, you need to back that truck up. Just something to chew on
Hey, Scott. I came over here for the first time--and found you! It was good to read about your night out--sounds like it was a lot of fun, and really good for your PMA.
And about seeing your W...all I can say is that I feel for you. You have been through so much. And you know that you have grown through it all, become a better person. You can see it in the way the convo went. Be careful with carrying the guilt...it can be a heavy burden.
Hey Fig, I do want her as a friend...not just to get her back. I've thought about that long and hard. May that change in the future...of course...anything can. You know, she has made some very poor choices in these past few years, no doubt about it...but I know that this is not the person she is. She is in the middle of her MLC and I hope that someday she will come out of it and find herself again. I want to stand by her and be here for her through this. Don't worry...I'm pretty well detached at this point and realize that I need to move on with my life. Actually had dinner with a very lovely young lady tonight and really enjoyed myself. The other side is not so scary. But I do love my W and I don't think that will change once we are divorced.
Thanks Donna...the guilt isn't really there. I see it more as just taking ownership for my part of it and learning from it. To me, that is just a really important thing to do.
sorry