Thank you Delia for your advice. My stich does seem a bit different than most I guess. You know I need to sit down and analize to really see what really works best,but it seems like it just depends on what stage H is at w/ the affair. In the beginniing of it all when I really had no clue what to do I stopped doing what I was doing when I noticed he was enjoying the attention from us both. I did implement the Db of act as if and kill'm w/ kindness. I changed a few things like our constant arguing. I did not have alot to go on b/c H did not complain much or let me know his feelings. I did know we were both tired of all the arguing. I realize we did not know how to communicate w/ out arguing. I gave him alot of space but it got to point where he complained he did not need so much space. He wanted more attention.
I got tired of his palying us both and coming & going on the wekeends. I decided I had to get my respect back somehow. I put my foot down and insisted he move out. He hesitated a while. He seemed to not be ready yet,but everyday I persisted on it and slowly he did all his stuff is still here and he has not been gone long.But I think he is slowly starting to see the reality vs the fantasy. It helps when she has her child everday b/c it makes it even more real. Right now they r having partys everyweekend just about. His possesiveness must come w/ the hispanic machoness teritorial thing. I have "tested" his feelings towards me when it comes to making him jeoulous, I guess for my own reaffirmation. Last night he IM me at home and when I first got onluine he wrote" about fkng time! I knew he was still sore about my email. I waited to see what he would write but he got impatient that I wouldn't respond. I finally tried to set the right mood by telling him we like his picture he sent(he had shaved his mustache) & I wrote he looked younger. He knows I like the clean shaven man. This was of no good he was truly still very upset. Said he wrote back to my work email & he did not receive my D10 email.I asked what he wrote & he said he did not have time for my bull*. I wrote alright and he wrote bye. I signed off shortly after. This morning he was not online,but I wrote him a few lines. I wrote: I know I wear my heart on my sleeves & you keep it all bottled up. I don't know which is worse. I don't want to read what you wrote me back on my work email b/c I know you wrote some hateful things out of anger.Just like I should of deleted those things I wrote. Don't let your anger get in the way of your relationship w/ your daughters today. Find it in your heart to forgive and move from that pain. Today is a new day and all new days are full of possibilities. Make it a good one. Please write and let me know your ok?
