UNBELIEVABLE~

[Jen_Jam]

((((((((((((Ali))))))))))))))))))

Sorry to read about this - you're not the only one this is happening to today, my friend InPain has found a letter from an OW demanding that her H contact her. Check out her as well if you can - I'll link her thread in a second post.

First - to you. May I say you might be jumping to conclusions? The trouble with snooping is that we often only get half the story. I agree with Slowly as well in following the 48 hour rule. I know you have to speak to H soon, but maybe you can be "out" or "busy" to give yourself some space and time.

OK - H has had numerous affairs before, so the circumstantial evidence is good. But I would recommend deep breath and decide how you're going to deal with this.

Here's my take - remember though I'm not an expert on you, only you are, so if this advice fits for you take it, if it doesn't then don't, or only take the bits that do. I am in Piecing too (you have posted some great encouragement to me too, thank you) and I have found, from my own sitch, from readin about others and from Michelle's book, that the LBS supresses so much feeling that when the WAS coms beck it's a tricky time. We LBS's work SO MUCH on ourselves, but these M problems are rarely one sided. It may only take One to Tango, but I believe it takes two to create a bad M. The WAS at some point is going to have to face up to the fact that they made mistakes too, and once they have faced that fact (and this bit is key) then then have to decide to WORK ON THEMSELVES. This is tricky - us LBS's are masters in it, the WAS's are generally (not always) complete juniors at it. They rarely have a clue!!!! I feel then, as I did in my situation, that I had to step back, say "this is not what I want" and I stated very clearly my feelings to H. it is a gamble cos if he can't step up to the mark then my M will fail. Onto you, it's obvious you don't want a M where your H is continuosly having affairs (who would!!??) but this is HIS problem to solve. It upsets and affects you, yes, but it's NOT YOUR FAULT. I know you have worked SO HARD to restore your M, but it's now up to your H to step up to the plate and do some work as well. If he cannot, then I'm afraid it may be goodbye, but if you continue along in a M where he cannot be faithful it will erode away at your self worth and confidence, and you are one great lady, don't let that happen to you.

Ali - be strong. Stand for your M but set your boundaries. You are a strong, wonderful woman and you deserve better than this. I would advocate stating this to H, use stong words in a calm voice. But find out the truth first - give him the benefit of the doubt, you could be wrong. Either way, it's a good chance for you to state to H that you love him, will stand by him but will not be treated badly, that you hope he can treat you in the way you deserve, but if he isnt' up to that then you'd feel very sorry but you have to be true to yourself first and foremost.

How does that sound?