I'm sorry I didn't post sooner...but I wanted to have something positive to say. Sad thing is, I never came up with anything. Sometimes things are just the way they are and no amount of effort can change that. DBing provides an environment in which reconciliation *can* be pursued, but it is up to the two people involved to actually choose to pursue it and sometimes that just doesn't happen.
In your case, perhaps the bridges you first put to the flame simply cannot be rebuilt (sometimes our actions have irreversible effects). Perhaps your STBXH has been unable to successfully deal with the issues he had before your first split. Perhaps he's just acting out. Or maybe it's some combination of all three. You may never know.
All you have is what's here and now and how you've chosen to deal with the situation. If you have taken the lumps, accepted your responsibility, and made a good faith effort to correct the mistakes of the past, then you have done all you could and can be proud of having made the effort.
In my case, while my efforts did not result in a positive outcome, I can rest easy knowing I did my best and did not act out of anger or frustration. I have no regrets now and because I have done my best and have given her every opportunity to change course, I will have no regrets in the future. It is now simply time to move on.
In your situation, while there are things I would have done differently had I been in your place, if you erred at all, it was to your STBXH's favor and I see no shame in that. But now it's time for you. It's time to start creating a new life for yourself (and the same goes for me).
