am looking for the magic bullet to make my life one big, continuous orgasm.
I completely laughed out loud b/c I am right there with you. I am SO TIRED of this stress and this life and this WISHING FOR MORE and working so hard and ....you know... not having one big continuous O in more months than I care to tell you.
SO.
I also, sadly, related a LOT to how I used to be with my kids. a LOT. you can turn this around, but it is going to be hard as hell. Not unlike DBing. I commend you. You are strong enough to SEE what's going on in your interactions with him, PLUS you also see how you are a "beauty queen" in counseling (what my H called my behavior in IC/MC) - that too is HUGE to see and acknowledge.
I don't have much time, but let me mention that I would really consider holding your S back another year. Yes, inconvenient for YOU, absolutely. But he's already having emotional problems and difficulty controlling himself. Kindergarten will be a nightmare for him, and NOT feed his ego when he can't 'do it right' socially there, get in trouble, or be held back at the end of the year. Most teachers I spoke with said the ideal age to start is 5 1/2 or later. Once kids get to that half-year mark, they're more able to cope with starting school, and all that entails. Boys especially I would hold back. I held back my D7 a year b/c she was right near the cutoff. She's about to be in 2nd and is so happy and smart. My S was right at 5 1/2 and did beautifully this year in Kindergarten. Your mileage may vary, and I understand you have complicated circumstances, but do spend some time before you decide.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
