Here's some lyrics for you Choc ... not trying to suggest anything, just know you are a lyric hound ...
Into the Ocean by Blue October
I'm just a normal boy That sank when I fell overboard My ship would leave the country But I'd rather swim ashore
Without a life vest I'd be stuck again Wish I was much more masculine Maybe then I could learn to swim Like 'fourteen miles away'
Now floating up and down I spin, colliding into sound Like whales beneath me diving down I'm sinking to the bottom of my Everything that freaks me out The lighthouse beam has just run out I'm cold as cold as cold can be be
I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down Let the rain come down
Where is the coastguard I keep looking each direction For a spotlight, give me something I need something for protection Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind I'm treading for my life believe me (How can I keep up this breathing)
Not knowing how to think I scream aloud, begin to sink My legs and arms are broken down With envy for the solid ground I'm reaching for the life within me How can one man stop his ending I thought of just your face Relaxed, and floated into space
I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down Let the rain come down Let the rain come down
Now waking to the sun I calculate what I had done Like jumping from the bow (yeah) Just to prove I knew how (yeah) It's midnight's late reminder of The loss of her, the one I love My will to quickly end it all Set front row in my need to fall
Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all into the ocean...end it all
[Zayra] Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
I want to swim away but don't know how Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah) Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down Let the rain come down Let the rain come down
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) (In to space) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) (I thought of just your face) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"I thought Choc said $135 a week? That would be for her and the two sons (daughters have moved out)? $135 a week seems reasonable for 3 people. We spend less than that for 5, and I'm a really big eater. "
Wow! I need your grocery shopping skills, lol.
We spend more than that for two people. I guess it must depend a lot on how many convenience foods you buy and locale. Also, I was counting Choc. With just one adult and two kids, $135 sounds a lot more manageable.
I still like the grocery gift card, though. Then the money pretty much has to be used for that. But, it would probably needlessly piss her off.
My heart sunk deeply when I came upon this new thread today and read what has been happening.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to experiece this so soon after your W had given you reasons for hopeful improvements. Your strength and resolve in response to the latest episodes are very admirable, and you continue to inspire me.
The psychic DJs are at it again on my radio stations. When I awoke to the radio the day before yesterday, the "Words For The Wise" intellectual vocabulary feature spotlighted the word: "Rollercoaster" and the commentator included the reference to situations of strong emotional shifts. The very next song they played was a song I had never heard before by The Byrds:
Everybody's Been Burned
Everybody's been burned before Everybody knows the pain Anyone in this place Can tell you to your face Why you shouldn't try to love someone
Everybody knows it never works Everybody knows and me I know that door that shuts Just before you get to the dream You see...
I know all too well How to turn, how to run How to hide behind A bitter wall of blue But you die inside If you choose to hide So I guess instead, I'll love you
Like Chrome said above, I don't prescribe these lyrics to your sitch, but I can say that when I see my W, I do not recognize the person she is now, and there is certainly a blinding fog that has set in over and around her. As I detach a little more each week, I find myself in a more clear atmosphere, where it is easier to breathe, and I am glad that we are separated for now, for I need the peace I can create for myself.
I pray that you will continue to find all the strength and emotional fortitude for yourself, your children and for facing the challenges in the days ahead.
All the best,
LG
Me 46 WAW 45 M 21 yrs
WAW: "I need to be alone" 12/06 W moves out 3/07 Mediation finalized 08/08
The boys are teenagers, right? Perhaps they can walk or ride bikes to school. No sense babying them.
In most states, the boys' desires about where to live will be strongly considered. I doubt they'll really want to trail along after their mom and her loser boyfriend. Don't worry too much. And they'll be 18 and no longer drawing child support before you know it in any event.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Sorry things have turned in this direction. I am REALLY surprised that a lawyer told you that you would have to pay her alimony all your working life. Half your salary at that! What a horrible state. For one she is working and has the capability to work more. In the state I live in they take that into account. Also in my state if one of the spouses whether man or woman has an affair which is adultery from what I hear that person might as well bend over in the court room. They would never award alimony to a spouse that commited adultery and broke up the marriage. Gosh it just upsets me hearing this and I am a woman. Maybe you should check out a couple different attorney's. It sounds like a horrible thing to do. Well, sorry your wife has cheated and hurt you beyond belief. But now pay her half your salary and then child support on top of that.
I mean how would the courts even expect you to be able to support yourself?
Your wife has a lot of nerve it sounds like. I can't even imagine being able to come home and even face my husband after being caught like she was.
By "La-la land," I mean she has no visceral response to such a serious subject at hand -- pending divorce, and the gutwrenching breakup of our family, and her ostracization from her own family.
She acts like she's picking out colors for the kitchen drapes.
She's going to HAVE to work for a new employer. And she knows it, too (I found her notes in a notebook tonite, conveniently left where I COULD find them. Lots of lawyerspeak in there from a convo she obviously had with an attorney, and also a to-do list that included "Find a full-time job.")
I cannot even believe that she is willing to give up her husband, her family, face total isolation from HER family, and also give up her dream to be a personal trainer. All for a 29 year old pimple.
You may be right about the grocery amount. Although I feel we do waste a LOT of food, the grocery bill will, realistically, be higher as the "take-out" expenses get lower. Rather than a set amount which may cause a burden, just do the best you can, and write a check for the grocery purchases. Give me the receipt, and I will transfer the funds to cover the check each time. Over time, we sould be able to use the receipts to develop a realistic monthly food budget that's still healthy.
Choc.
Better to track actual expenses, than go the weekly stipend route, I say.
All of our credit cards are maxed out anyway, so she really can't do me any damage here. And now that I've opened up a separate bank account for my paycheck direct-deposit, she can't get me there either.
You're right -- her expenses are HER problem. Her portion of her credit card payment is about $325/month. That's just about all she makes!!!
