Took the doggie to the vet, met a woman from church for lunch (someone a few years older than me that the church hooked me up with to meet with every so many weeks for support), watered plants, talked with a friend, bought a bunch of new piano music and practiced, and went to a friend's house to do her a favor and water her plants. All in all a decent day. I really liked the woman the church hooked me up with. I think it will be a great match and just someone to get to know better. She has been divorced herself after an emotionally abusive relationship and had 2 kids in that marriage.
Felt good all day, but could feel the tiredness come on in the last half hour and that wave of sadness hit. That feeling of, "I feel like those vows we made meant nothing to him and all the words and promises he made meant nothing and that just really sucks and feels like dirt." I'm sure that feeling is bound to come and go. That feeling of ishy despair that he doesn't want to give me and the marriage and himself a chance, that he threw me away, and that feeling that it all meant nothing. I'm sure someday I'll look back and find moments where he loved me and feel good about them but right now that is difficult to do.
Anyway, I am doing pretty well considering... the moments are bound to come and go, and if they didn't, I'd be worried about myself and that I was in denial.
Think I'm feeling it a little too because I know all of H's family and H are at a family wedding tonight. Feel sad about not being in the family anymore and sad thinking about weddings. I think it will be awhile until I can go to a wedding and feel okay about it.
Anyway, a friend is on her way over to hang out and Hitch is on tv so I think I'll go do some laughing.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
