Hey, IP, I know how that sucks to have that kind of crap thrown at you in this stage of things. Your H seems to be doing what he can to assure you nothing is going on with ow now, or maybe ever. If others are saying she is nuts, then realize she could also be thinking stuff in her mind that didn't even happen, but she wishes had. My sister had an affair with a married man, and when his wife was trying to win him back, my crazy sister started telling us that his wife was causing them problems. I told her she was the problem not the wife, and when he went back to his wife and dumped my sister, I told her I was glad he had, that she had no right to him. But it took her awhile to leave him alone, even though the wife was pregnant. She was sure he really wanted to be with her, but he never contacted her again even though she would try to see him. She got rather obsessed with him for a time, but finally got the message and moved on the the next poor guy.
The thing is, she must be a little crazy to think of showing up at your home or texting you or any number of the things she has done, knowing your H has chosen to come home to you and make a go of your M. I understand the feeling about the anger and the not wanting to even sleep next to him, because I try so hard not to think of the things he has done, and sometimes I will just feel the pain in the worst way, and have to really control my emotions. One night, I woke up to crying out to let go of me, and fighting my way out of his arms, and I told him I was dreaming that a bad guy was grabbing me, but it was him I was really dreaming about, and I was really struggling in my dream, and crying.
I don't know how you feel about religion, but praying and reading some of the Biblically based books can really help to give peace of mind to me. Right now, I am reading a book called Every Heart Restored, A wife's guide to Healing in the Wake of a Husband's Sexual Sin. It's by Stephen Arterburn and Fred and Brenda Stoeker. I have just started it, but it is already looking like a good book.
You may need to just try not to think of what you feel they may have been up to as much as you do, so you can keep on with the healing of your M. Your H may be telling the truth, or he may not be ready to admit all, or even too ashamed to admit it.
Take care and thanks for posting a reply on my thread.
