BeingMe--thanks for the thoughts on fear. I do believe that I've learned more about myself in facing this situation (which was one of my greater fears, though I never believed it would actually happen to me :P). I am a much stronger person for facing my fear, and I know I can handle whatever comes my way. It may knock me down, but it won't keep me down. And it won't break my faith. In God, in myself, in my marriage.
Phoenix--I appreciate the way you pointed out your thoughts on trust. I guess that though I understand the overall trust-building process on the surface, it's taking me awhile to internalize what it really means for me on a day-to-day basis. And that's what true learning is all about--the internalizing.
The other night as we were talking before going to bed, H off-handedly remarked that he had spoken with OW1 that day. He then told me what the office sitch involved. This surprised me, as I know he talks with her (often? on occasion? I can't really say) for work. I requested several weeks ago that part of the openness I'm needing from him includes telling me when he speaks with her. This was the first time he did so, and it meant a lot to me that he thought to share it with me. I am fully aware that an EA could be continuing...anything could be happening for that matter, but H's actions are so radically different from the nightmare of the past few years, I think he's being honest with me.
Another point in favor of H's sincerity: he stayed home last night after mentioning that he needed to run over to his dad's shop to do something--he just didn't want to leave. That may seem like a small deal, but in the last few years, he's been more than anxious to get out of here at his earliest convenience with or without a reason. It means a lot to me that he's feeling (or at least trying to feel) more comfortable in our home, with me.
I truly feel peaceful about continuing on this path. So I'll keep choosing my battles, keep my eyes open and my chin up. Love to you all.
