When we were talking and I was confirming that my W's LL was quality time/Quality conversation, I realized - I may not have a LL. Here's why: I was just SO happy just having my W and S4 around. I knew they'd be there when I got home from work. I knew that we could go to Target or Walmart, or Chili's or whatever and just be THERE! It definitely wasn't always quality time, it was just being THERE. Maybe that's a quality time dialect or something.
Then, while in our meeting, I realized that I thought just being with ME was enough for W and S4. Wrong! As we know, one's LL is not the same as another's, or very rarely with a couple. Seeing that from her perspective was obviously very revealing. When she asked me if I could understand why it's so hard for her to give us another chance - I COULD! I told her I was trying to understand, and that I could see how she could be scared to go BACK to what it was. I told her I didn't want to go back, I couldn't and WOULDN'T go back, ever! I will give her what she needs to feel loved and together we will never go back!
Then I was thinking about what she was wearing to the meeting. I know my W. I know how casual she is. I know she hates wearing her contacts at night, they get dried out. I know she doesn't put on make-up during the day if she's just going to be working (she used to work from a home office). Yet she showed up to this meeting looking all done up, just right, just how I like, just perfectly. Weird? No, she wants me to know what I'm missing out on! Funny thing is, she knows I know! She knows I'm fighting for this M, why would she go to the extra trouble? Shoot, if she wants me gone, wouldn't she show up looking trashed so I wouldn't be attracted? I know that's what I'd do to get rid of my S, I'd give her every excuse to blow me off, especially if I was feeling guilty for breaking up the family.
Just some thoughts, it helps to write them down, to get them out of my head.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
