still going

[BeingMe]

Hi Tyler, meant to come back and share some insight sooner. Hope you are doing okay.

The parts of your W I identify with, is her seeming inability to let go of past resentments. I was very much like that, even though I possibly had every justification for the resentment, it didn't do me any good hanging onto it. I would 'beat' my H constantly for months about his wrongdoing, and how it affected me, and how wrong he was, yadda, yadda, yadda. A time came, when I decided that I needed to change, and slowly I did. I have learned that one cannot go through life being constantly offended over every little thing. Granted, I had some real doozies that offended me (like my H's problem with porno), but even little things offended me. Things that normal people would just shrug aside.

That's what I see in your W. She is unable to let past offences go. And, it sounds like a lot of those are pretty much small things that most people wouldn't bother with. She seems unable to let go of her resentments. If only she could, because there is so much freedom in doing so, I have found. Even my H's EA wasn't as much of a shock as it normally would've been, if it hadn't been for that change that I made within myself. I was willing to look inside myself and see my own faults, rather than just my H's. Because, none of us are perfect ... I am sure you could find many things your W did that you found somewhat offensive, but didn't hold onto the resentment like a kid's blankie.

Until your W realises that she is half the problem (and, maybe 3/4 if she is having an A), then there is very little chance of a reconciliation, IMHO. Your job now, is to work on yourself, and give her the space to, hopefully, figure herself out. (She is rather tenacious in her 'rightness', isn't she? Like a bulldog that has attached itself to your leg, and just won't let go!)

Hope this helps. Take care, and I will check in again.