Yoyo, I know that you are feeling really down right now, but remember that your old M/R was already dead and the filing just recognizes that fact.
You knew all along that he would not wake up quickly, so it is up to you to decide your path and if/how long to leave the door open to him changing and deciding to work on a new R.
In any case, take some time now to focus on yourself and try not to view things as black and white, they never are.
(((Yoyo)))
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Thanks everyone, I'm sitting here crying as I read all of your comments. You all have been so good to me. It feels like everyone is wrapping their arms around me. I don't mean to sound corny, but you all have been such a comfort to me.
I really don't want a messy divorce, but I'm afraid it may come to that. We own a business together although I'm more like a silent partner. When we first separated he made a list of things he thought I should have. He offfered me the house, my car, all of our checking, and half of the savings. He wants all of the business, half the savings, our new boat and camper that we bought last summer, two jet skis, both of our daughters' cars and his truck. Come on, does that sound fair? The business makes more in one year than what he has offered me. I'm not trying to bankrupt him, I just want my half. I want to be able to provide for my girls.
He says that if I take half of the business he won't be able to support the girls in the fashion they are accustomed to. He said I would ruin the girls' lives. I think he has already done a pretty good job of ruining their lives. You know he can say that he would continue to provide for the girls the way he has always, but I'm sorry I've seen it happen too many times. A new wife comes in and tells the husband what they can and can't do. OW has two children. One is 9 and one is 21. I'm sure she would be jealous of my girls and resent them. She has been such a schemer already.
I hope I don't sound vengeful, I just want to protect my girls and myself. I don't want it all, I just want half.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Ya'll I have to share the sweetest thing. One of my students, M, works for a pool service. I called him and asked him to come look at my pool. He said Mrs. R I heard about the problems you were going through. He said I'm going to help you all I can. He mowed and edged my yard for me. I said I want to pay you, he said no, you're not. I said well at least stay for dinner. He said I will do that. He said I also talked to K, he wants to start coming over here and helping me on your yard. When he got ready to leave I tried to pay him again, and he wouldn't take it. He said just call me when you need something. People say teenagers are so bad, but let me tell you these are some fine young men.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Don't you dare let him take 100% of the business. He wants to destroy everything in your life, and then move on to his fantasy life. Screw him. He can start over too. He is an a$$ for not seeing what a wonderful woman he is leaving. He made this decision, now he can deal with it.
You passed me on the 31 yr old you have it even better!!!HAHAHAHJust kidding ....Make you laugh....
You stand your ground and make sure you go to a good lawyer. He doesn't deserve all that he wants...He wanted out and you are going to get your half and maybe more. Start making a list of all your assests. Everything....believe me he has....It is you and the girls and you need to look out for you....He is using that if he was going to support the girls like they are use too he would still be working on your M. The manipulating OW will try to change things they always do.
My H was starting our pretty good the other day about dividing things but I still don't trust that. I am going to get some guidance and so should you.
It is amazing the kids see and understand so much but they are young adults too. My boys don't support my H and they want to see things get better and mostly me be happy...They still do things and take advice and visit with him but they don't agree whats going on.
Be strong and know you are supported here. Lot and Lots of hugs.
My H has been so nice since I said I couldn't take it anymore. Its amazing he wants to be best friends and supportive now knowing he doesn't have to live with me. Do you ever look back ans wonder why you stayed as long as we have? I have now...
Ha! Well at least he is 18 and an adult, just kidding! My H is too immature for me and he is 43, why do I want a younger one!
So Penny are you going to file? It sounds as if you are. I'm sorry. I do wonder why I put up with him so long? I wonder if it did work out for us if I feel I could ever trust him? What kind of life would that be? I just want to get all of this behind me and start a new better life. I tried my best to make my marriage work. I know everyone thought I was crazy, but in the end I know I did all I could do, so now it's time to move on.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yoyo, did you see my thread on Surviving called "Fair Maintenance/Spousal support"? There is some very helpful advice from DBers that have first hand experience. I am still struggling with what I think is fair and what H thinks is fair. We have to be strong! Get a lawyer!!!! I interviewed 4 before I decided on one I feel comfortable with. I need to put money down now! I hate this, but it is a necessary evil! I am going to go reread that thread now!
Get legal advice. Before you go, sit down and make a thorough list of marital assets, including pensions etc. Then make a list of debts, mortgages etc.
As for the business - you say you are a "silent partner"? Does that mean you put money into the business? Did the funds to start it come from marital assets? Is your name on any business loans? You definitely need an attorney to figure out the best way to deal with the business - these things get complicated.
