Just so I understand, did you say your w sent YOU the quote about strong women role models and was hoping that they'd find HER to be a positive influence IN the HOME??!!
Just checking.....geez, I guess the conflicts in her are surfacing and it's getting harder for her to suppress them. And as for the invites to the MIL, actually kind of funny. See, I think the WAS with kids, especially with OP involved, just wants to take the present family photo and replace one person in it (LBSer of course) with the new, perfected spouse, ie, the OP....only life isn't that way.
EMRC, I have a feeling that if you play your cards right (a phrase that I hate) your wife could come around. She's strong in her ways so you can't smash this into her face or overwhelm her with judgement or rationalized discussions either. When she gets some space and time to reflect, she has her moments. Indeed, you already see cracks in the fantasy...so, she MISSES not seeing the girls every day....really????? And You won't agree to just disappearing until if and when she needs you to watch them? That is inconvenient....(you're so selfish)...
As for the L issues, let them handle it. ALL the ugly practical things are THEIR problem and that's what the bucks are for. YOU just care about GAL and being a great dad and a calm source of "co-parenting' support....she can only press so hard before her hypocrisy hits her in the face b/c she is not stupid.
It'a bit ironic that your wife thought you two were going "to do what's best for the girls...." um, like getting the tools for problems HER own mc mentioned? Oh, no, like getting divorced with as little hassle to your wife as possible, THAT"S what she means...actually, you could get the point across without too much sarcasm (moi??) with something along the lines of, (said CALMLY) "As You know, w, I do not want our M and F to end and I am deeply hurt that you seem to .... as for YOU feeling sadness b/c the reality is you will lose some time with our children. Well we both are, so, I understand that sadness better than anyone else in the world...but it's only fair that you recall one important fact: NONE of these choices were mine...I'm just stuck with them, doing the best I can..."
Sheesh, the blindness of it all. Also, when you begin to fret over the time she has with OM, IF that is really happening, why assume it's all good? It cannot be so. Seriously, the guy has a family he is paying something to, he has kids from a prior M, correct? Oh that blended family thing is sooo smoooth....just ask anyone here how great it ALL is ALWAYS. As if No one fights, no one has trouble adjusting, no one misses anyone or the way things were and sex is always excellent, on demand and without verbalizing anything, ALL is understood and delivered....um, I don't think so. Put a stop sign on those nightmarish delusions and besides, they're out of your control anyhow. All I am saying is that i am confident I've seen NO 2nd M's work out smoothly, even when they start in a decent way. There are always painful periods that come unexpected and I have not heard of anyone leaving a half way decent M, who didn't have some regrets later about not working things out, or trying harder....besides, for every passionate moment that comes with newness, there is at least another moment of confusion or disappointment b/c the unfamiliar one does not know the new one, the way the decade long partner does--(that's you my friend)...trust me on that. I just wish I could beam you into a year or two into the future to cut out all this pain for you. But she needs the growth more than you, and you both will ultimately benefit. I just have a feeling that the better dad you are, the calmer "co parent" guy with THAT huge bond in common with her, the constance, the PRESENCE that only you can represent, and maybe the admiration in another woman's eyes, will wake your wife up in time....the question will be, in time for what/whom? You will not be alone very long if you are anything like the man posting here...I'm just sad that your wife might not "get it" in time and you will have moved on with someone else. But who knows? Sometimes the thought of a new person is GREAT and the next day, seems so risky, so UN-fun and so distant, that you can honestly say you'll just be there for the kids right now. THAT is the best you can do at the moment. Enough change for them, thank you very much. Your time/trips with them are SO perfect for this situation. I do love it. If my women friends were in my kitchen with me now, we would all be saying the same thing about how we'd see the fathers differently as men, if we saw these types of interactions. Keep it up.
PS - OMG, I LOVE your wife's c and cannot think of how YOU could have better selected her....I know you didn't, but dang, there was a little divine intervention stuff and some seed planting in those words to your wife....interesting....take care,
j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
