Luke, you are doing way too much of the work here. Don't do all her thinking for her! I believe you need to sit down with her and say "I am not willing to continue like this, we need to make a decision about our M. I would like to work out our differences but to do this I need you to 1) commit exclusively to our M, no outside romantic R's and 2) to go to MC together. If you cannot do that, then I will respect your choice but we will then need to sit down and work out the financial and family arrangements for a separation. Please give it some thought and let me know by XXX. Again, my preference is to re-build our M but I am willing to let it go, if that is your choice" That's my 2 cents, take it or leave it. BTW that was my little speech to my W... she said "it isn't going to happen" so it's separation time, I wasn't farting around, don't you either. Put the cards on the table and let her decide. Enough is enough Luke.
