My W has brought up D too, but just seems to keep putting it on the backburner...now, when she finally broke down to me after a R talk, she said it was demons from her past muddling her decisions of reconcilation. But at least she hasnt followed through with D yet.
I hear this type of thing a lot on these boards!
Originally Posted By: Chevelle
Point is Strange, dont believe a word of what comes out of a WAWs mouth until you physically see D papers in front of you
Good point, but instead of "until you see D papers in front of you," how about "until the D is final." And some people (some posters on this board) go farther than that, still DBing after a D. And there are post-D success stories!
Originally Posted By: Chevelle
Just follow through with her wishes but make it clear that you are not in favor of it, but you are going to make it appear that you want it as much as she does, and will not fight over it.
Allow me to propose some tweaking:
1. Don't follow through with her wishes; let her follow through. Just don't [obviously] fight her. Feet dragging is ok; not being available is ok; not accomodating is ok. But, obstructing, arguing, challenging, fighting, not ok.
2. Make it clear you are not in favor of it - excellent point. I forgot to mention that. When she brings it up, say, fine, you know I don't want a D, I would rather try to work on our problems, but I respect your choice and I am not going to stand in your way.
3. "you are going to make it appear that you want it as much as she does" - I think this conflicts with the advice C gave in point 2. I think you make it appear that you want fight her, not that you want a D. One poster's H said, "Fine, you want a D, knock yourself out." He didn't say, "Fine, I'll knock myself out helping you get it!"
Hope it helps, Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
