Quote:
Yes, it is true that one person's actions have forced this choice but


Not entirely true and you know that but that is not what I want to share....

Hey brother,
I think seperating will actually make this a little easier on you and your sanity in the long run. Yea it sucks for the kids sake not to have mommy and daddy there all of the time but what good is that if there is always built up resentment and anger between the two of you.

You will actually get breaks from all of the chaos when you actually seperate and be able to re-charge as well as think a lot more clearer about the choices that you need to make for you and your kids (since the nut case will not be around 24/7).

Couple of things that really helped my sitch out lately is laying down the guidlines with our interactions around the kids. I pretty much told CB that we are not to talk about us in anyway what so ever around the kids and that it is soley their time. No outside interference. All of that could be handled by picking up the phone and calling the other person to iron out or differences.

As far as the kids go mine are a lot younger but I would never talk in details about it. Usually just the old I still love mommy line and mommy and daddy's sometimes veiw things in our lives a little differently. But I would never come out and say that mommy stopped by a friends house that is a convicted sex offender, undressed herself and fell on his well....and then continued to do it for a year or so..." ;\) Of course their response might have been ....D@MN mommy must be pretty clumsy...


Do not put any blame on your W at least in your kids eyes. Let them know what is going on just explain that there are differences between the two of you and that this is just what is best for now. Who knows what the future holds. Some BS like that. By saying that you have an issue with the morality of you nutcase w's choices you are basically telling the kids that it is all her fault.

They will have their own resentment built up towards their mother.

Here is an example from my personal life. Slightly different but shows the resentment that kids learn on their own.

When I was 4 or so my father shot and killed himself. Without knowing to much of the details I grew to hate and dispise him. I looked at him as a chicken sh!t and would never refer to him as my father. When I would ask my mother about him when I was growing up she would always say that he was a great person and a great father. He just had his own problems that he was dealing with. Needless to say my Father was an a$$ and a coke head to boot.

Moral of the story is that as a kid, event hough my mother trued to paint this wonderful picture of my dead beat father, I realized the truth and came up with my own veiws on the sitch. Your kids will do the same so just keep the seperation loving and friendly no matter how hard it is (and you know how many times I would love to rip CB's trachea out)...


Just my 2 cents on the seperation aspect.

Of course you could always use the back up plan of building her a kennel out back and making her live in there while you and the kids lve in the house....I always loved that idea.

Later,
Ben

Ben 32
STBXW 29
3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months)
Status: Fighting for the Kids.

"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."