I am so proud of myself~ yesterday I went to the "pond" ( my cousins man made pond) and I had a blast with my kids and I realized while I was there that almost exactly a year ago I was there with my kids and my life was just ~CRAZY~ .... MY H was coming on the weekends and being a WAS and yet trying to hold onto me at the same time. It was messed up to say the least. I thought @ this when we were there and realized ~H*LY **** I never thought I would have made it and that was it I let it go,,, no obsessing for hours thinking about it.
A few nites ago I had a dream that my H was up to no good ( CHEATING ON ME ONCE AGAIN) and my normal response is ok well you made a mistake now I have to accept it and change AGAIN........ BLAH BLAH BLAH.....
And sure I have forgiven him in the past but something in me IS definitely changing and IN my dream I was not ugly but I told him to be happy lying to himself but as for me I was on my way,,, I am beautiful AND I will not live like this anymore!

~WOW~ and IN my dream ,,, I also stood up to my Aunt who has been always having her way with me with no respect really for me or many others she acts very much @ 46 like a very spoiled 3 year old.

When I woke up crazy as it sounds I knew ~~~~~~ I am really on my way... I am arriving,,, I aint gonna take no sh*t anymore and not in a b*tchy way but in way that say I am important too and D*mn it,,, I am going to be treated that way or you have no reason to be a part of my life. For everyone not just my H . I used to think if I loved God then I must accept everything at face value and just turn the other cheek and it was making me miserable and people use me TO WIPE THEIR FEET WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Dad tried to tell me years ago that that was not GODS plan and I never got it til I fell flat on my face from loving everyone but me for too D*MN LONG!!!!!!!!! How could my H keep filling me up and I just wring my hands when things don't work~?
I needed to get dirty and get in the game and stand up for me and what is inherently mine. I was tired of my Aunt and her comments and MY H's disrespect and yet until I commanded it I was getting nowhere FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taking my own power back feels so darn good it is hard to explain and funny I taught all my kids not to be disrepected like it was GOSPEL and yet I allowed others to walk all over me.
Since this happened to me ( the bomb) I only have one close friend left and it is ok1!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;\)
I am not JUNK and refuse to allow myself to be treated that way ,,, I am 36 and I am not gonna be here forever it is time I started enjoying my life !!!!!
I am worth it and when the demons in my head try to make me think of the OW ( and is she really a WOMAN does she even know the meaning of the word ( DOUBT IT) and for sure a LADY she is not or negative thoughts of me or what my hubby may be up to,,, I let them go and trust in GOD. NOT FOOLISHLY ,, but with faith in my heart. I will be the loving , caring , beauty I am but refuse to sit by and be treated like JUNK anymore!
IT is not ok ,, you CAN love unconditionally and detach w/o being treated like JUNK!
GOD BLESS US ALL......